It's 10:30, and I'm sitting in my office, thinking about making some popcorn for breakfast. Mmmmmm, sweet buttery goodness. At this very moment there are some kids outside, playing Red Light, Green Light on the grass below my window. Sounds cool, right? Except, these kids are using "the language" if you know what I mean!
"Red light!! I said RED LIGHT FUCKFACE!!!!!!!!!", one kid screams.
"Well, fuck you....!", another kid defiantly replies.
This takes me back to when I was little, and the first few times I was caught using "the language". Probably the first time was when I was having my 6th birthday party. I was outside with a gang of my little friends, all us girls, playing some hopscotch on the street before my mom served the birthday cake. We all looked like little Marshmallow peeps, hopping around in our frilly little pastel dresses, curls and pig-tails bouncing to and fro. When suddenly, along came the Mulheisen brothers to spoil all my birthday fun!! (They were the brothers who live on the corner opposite of us, who I had a deep hatred for, since these bullies pelted me with rocks while I was riding my bike around the neighborhood the first day I moved in with my family. I chased down the one my age, Michael, and beat him up pretty bad, and made him cry, so henceforth we were Nemesis-es!)
Anyway, there we were, an army of well dressed, clean little girls, versus an army of messy, dirty little Mulhiesens. Not that I needed backup that day, I was an army of one.
"Get the FUCK off my property MOTHERFUCKER!!! Or I'll rip your GODDAMN balls off!!!!!" I yelled as I approached the marauders. My little friends stood behind me, shocked and surprised at my vast knowledge of "the language". My best friend Sara Marsh giggled. Sara always had my back.
Before the boys could even muster up a reply, from behind us coming from my house was a primal scream:
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?????!???"
Shit. It was my mom! In my fit of anger I had completely forgotten that mom had all the windows open!! Curses!!!
Needless to say, the party was over, literally.
I vowed then and there never to be caught using "the language" again. For now. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!