Wednesday, March 31, 2004

This morning I was on my way to work, driving down the street with the window open, when a big bug hit me in the fucking neck. It just got sucked into my car as we were flying by each other in opposite directions, but it was gross and it kinda hurt. Then I spent about 5 minutes going,"OH!!!! EWWWWWW SICK!!" out loud and trying to check to see if it fell down my shirt or on my lap or something. I didn't find it, so hopefully it's not just biding it's time under the passenger's seat, nursing itself back to health so it can fly right at my face at 5PM when I get back in the car. Fucking bugs.
That's one thing I have always feared, things flying at my head. Like in gym class, no matter what sport or game we were playing that week, I always managed to somehow get hit (or narrowly missed) by the ball, puck, birdie, whatever. Also, my friend Sara Marsh had these two cute little finches when we were kids, and they were totally adorable hopping around their cage together, but whenever she let them out, they flew right at my head and freaked me out. They suddenly became two heat seeking missiles out to perch in my hair or something, those evil things!
I hate that feeling of making that "I'm gonna get hit" face, when you get a worried look on your face, then half-shut your eyes, and pull your head back really quick. Is this the way we prepare for disaster? If nuclear war happened, and I saw the big flash, is this what I would do? Probably. I'd be frozen in my tracks, and close out my life with a "Hey, umm, is that gonna hit me??". Well, it's definitely what I would do if a piano fell on me. Nuclear war, I'd probably try to hide behind a door or something. You gotta try, you know? What would Bruce Willis do?

Monday, March 29, 2004

Okay, today I have a problem. I feel sicker than sick. Like "I'm gonna puke any minute" sick. Normally this is not a big problem, I can just go home from work early and put my pajamas on and toss and turn in my bed all day, clutching my stomach and crying to Fizzie, who just looks at me blankly cuz he can't understand english and has no way of getting me a glass of water or a bowl of soup. However, this is not a normal day, because my boss is in London right now. That leaves only me and Tony in the office, and Tony is sick too. We're both trying not to vomit this morning, and boy is it NOT fun. So if I leave to go home, he can't and if he leaves, I can't. There is no one else who can keep the office open, and if I close the place early, my boss will have a fit. I sent her an email telling her the situation, but if I don't hear back from her, I guess it's me and the garbage can until 5. Yuck.
There's nothing worse than throwing up at work. Well, okay there probably is worse stuff, but throwing up at work is still pretty bad. We don't have a bathroom in here, we have to go outside and use the building's bathroom, which is locked so you have to have a key. But before you even get over that hurdle trying to hold your vomit down, you have to get outside through the security doors, which take a good 30 seconds to get through. Doesn't sound like much, but when you're pukin', every millisecond counts. Plus since it's the buiding's bathroom, there's always a chance that someone will walk in on you, and then you feel all gross and self-conscious about someone hearing you throw up. It's times like these that I wish I lived in a "Berenstein Bears" book. Momma bear would put me to bed in my old-timey striped pajamas, with a thermometer in my mouth and a hot water bottle on my head, and bring me chicken noodle soup and cover me up tight with a big ole' fluffy quilt. Maybe I don't wish this actually, because nature is unpredictable, and my big grizzly bear Momma might turn on me. Bears can be mean.
Well, I think I'm getting delirious so I'm just gonna go now.....

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Lisa wrote a really good blog about the adventures she and I had last night, you can read about it nyaw.
Anyway, I was cleaning out the hard drive on my computer here at work, and I came across a little poem I wrote in March 2002. I actually wrote it for Kane and printed it out and handed it to him before we were together. I don't flirt like other people do, I guess. So here it is, enjoy this little piece of literary history dedicated to Kane....

bAlONeY by TriSh
One time I ate a sammitch,
it didn't taste too good.
I pulled off the bread on top of it,
and there the baloney stood.
I asked him what he's made of,
he said he ain't quite sure.
I said I'm sorry I don't like you,
and I threw him on the floor.
The baloney layed there motionless,
he barely even moved,
when I put on "Best of Madonna"
and danced to "Get into the Groove".
I began to feel bad for him,
so I washed him off in the sink.
I put some googly eyes and a smile on him,
but now my new friend's starting to stink.
So goodbye little baloney,
we had some good old times.
But now I gotta go eat some soup
at Denny's with Busta Rhymes.

There you have it, although it's better with the picture that originally accompanied it, of an open-face baloney sandwich with a mustard smiley face drawn on it. I got the picture from a Cartoon Planet website a really long time ago, but I don't think it's still in existence.
***Note to Kane: Sorry my poem wasn't all flowers and love and licorice sunsets and chocolate covered gumdrops. I had to express my feelings for you as best as I knew how, through lunch meat.

Friday, March 19, 2004

Damn you, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, you've done it again. Wednesday night I taped the new South Park, so Kane and I could watch it together. Last night after we finished filming with Lisa and Mandy, Kane came over and we watched it. It's called "Fun With Weapons", and most of the episode is drawn in Japanimation, because Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny buy some real ninja weapons from a guy at the fair, and whenever they play "ninja", they become these big, muscle-man type characters and the screen turns to letterbox format. It was such a well-done episode, those guys at South Park really know how to parody stuff. Anyway, there's a fight scene between the boys and some of their friends, and there's this techno song with Trey Parker singing in japanese, but there's a few lines in english, and that song is stuck in my head SO BAD today. It's like,"Hey hey let's go! Kikatsu! Ichi Okanawa Protect my Balls!". I don't think those are the words they were singing, but I can't remember what they were and "ichi okanawa" sounds about right.
Speaking of japanese, the other day Kane and I went to lunch together at "Nothing but Noodles". I ordered a bowl of mac-n-cheese, and Kane order Spicy Japanese noodles. But when our waiter brought us our food, he said in this really loud, almost aggressively cheery voice, "Spicy Jap?". I could not even look at Kane or I would have burst out laughing. (Did I mention Kane is asian?) I bet the guy must have felt pretty stupid or something, because it just sounded so racist coming out of his mouth. Kane joked around that he should have said,"Actually, I'm a spicy Filipino!". That would have been funny. Probably just to us though.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

I was looking at this morning and I found this about the Pier 1 commercials:
Thom Felicia from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is the new spokescelebrity for Pier 1. I thought Thom was nice, but that evil queen has stolen what was left of Kirstie Alley's career. That's just wrong! Did Pier 1 have to fire Kirstie? Couldn't they just put her on TrimSpa like Anna Nicole Smith and make her dress more modernly, instead of wearing those crazy Renaissance-festival gowns?
Now, I don't necessarily agree with the guy who writes the "Watercooler" column on that site, but I'm just really glad someone besides me and Lisa noticed Kirstie Alley's bizarre dresses. She definitely put on a lot of weight, and wearing wierd "Colonial Woman" costumes just makes her look so much worse! Don't they hire wardrobe people to prevent this kind of assault on our eyes? The other thing is, Pier 1 doesn't even sell colonial or renaissance style stuff. If they did, maybe it would make some sense, but all they have in that store is modern or oriental-themed stuff. I'm glad Kirstie's gone!! She just annoyed me way too much, and in fact made me want to shop at that store even less than I already did.
I also want to mention I am glad Pier 1 chose what's-his-name instead of blond what's-his-name from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy". I don't watch any of these designing shows, and the two episodes I've seen of Queer Eye didn't impress me in the least, but thank GOD they didn't pick the young, gay Ed Begley Jr. with the bad Meg Ryan haircut. I don't think I could watch TV anymore if that guy appeared every 10 minutes. It's guys like him that give gay people a bad name.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

We have a new person in the office, she started yesterday. I REALLY don't think she likes it here. She is a sweet older woman, very motherly, but she already seems exasperated with my boss's behavior. From what I can tell, my boss has been giving her incomplete instructions on projects, and the poor woman has to keep doing everything over and over. Plus our office organization is laughable, so she has to keep asking me how to find this and that. I feel for her, because I have tried so many times to fix stuff around here, and it never "takes". Oh well. This lady is totally gonna quit.
So everyone meet my new favorite website, CATPRIN. Brianna sent it to me (YAY Brianna!!), and it made me laugh out loud when I opened it. Now, not to endorse it, but I can understand people dressing up dogs. Dogs are people pleasers. They'll put up with some serious shit because they love their owners so much and want their approval, but cats? Cats don't give a fuck what we want. Cats do what they want, when they want, and nature gave them sharp little claws and teeth if you got a problem with that. There's a few bastards who get their cats declawed, but personally, I would be pissed off if my parents had my fingernails ripped out to make me more "cuddly". These poor declawed cats are probably the most likely victims in this kitty-dress-up epidemic, so as we laugh at their misfortune, remember to feel some pity.
The best thing about this page is all the bad grammar, because poorly written english makes everything funnier. The things they wrote about each costume crack me up, especially the "High School Girl's Package", and the "Frog Costume Package".
"New fashion of this Spring! It's gonna hit big! She's kind of froggy...

A very cute and humorous package to transform your cat into a frog! Material are bright green felt with big eyes drawn, presenting a pop and cute impression. There is a flipper attached to the neck. These froggy looks surely make you laugh. Don't laugh too much or SHE might get sulky. :-) The hat and the neck ornament are velcrod and can be attached or detached easily."

So go dress up your cat, and cheer or yell, do whatever you like to enjoy the moment with your family. Junichi!!!

Friday, March 12, 2004

Well it's 4:14 on Friday, and I have only 46 minutes left until it's the weekend. This week has really flown by fast for me, considering that it completely sucked. The best thing about it was probably Lisa and I meeting up with Mandy to discuss the movie we're making. Working title:"Cheese". We start filming on Thursday of next week, so that's gonna be fun. My collegues and I do not feel the plot is ready for discussion at this point. Everyone's on a need to know basis, but trust me, you won't be wondering anymore in January 2005, at a theater near you!!!!!!
Speaking of movies, Kane and I are fixin' to see "Secret Window" this weekend. I hope it's good. Not like "Mystic River". Whew, what a piece of crap that was! It might not have been so bad, but the ending was just horrible. C'mon Mr Depp, work your magic and restore my faith in the box office. I'm sure he will, I like everything Johnny does, well, with the exception of "The Astronaut's Wife and "The Man Who Cried".
Have a wonderful weekend, Blog. Take care of yourself now.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Today I opened up my email and got a pleasant surprise. Someone had signed my guest book!! Woo-hooo!!! I actually forgot I even made a wedding page on there, it was a long time ago. Let's just say I try to get creative when I'm bored, so I made a page to announce the wedding of myself and Darth Vader. I even made a very poorly rendered photoshop picture of Darth and myself, enjoying a vacation. Feel free to stop by and enjoy my wedding page!
If you are too damn lazy to click on the link, here's what Benjamin Smash of California wrote for the Dark Lord and me:
Benjamin Smash - CA 3|9|2004

Oh you two. I'm so happy you finally got married. Everyone saw it coming. Trish, whenever you feel you're being treated unfaily, pray Darth doesn't alter the arrangement - he's a stickler for changing plans. And Darth, Trish is impressive, most impressive, when it comes to cooking up some deep-fried Wompa so try to be patient. I saw a couple of the photos from your proof book, and that wacky Palpatine breaking the glass with his finger-lightning before Darth could step on it - man that was funny. And you should have see the looks on people's faces. Good time. Mazal Tov. -Benjamin

Now I don't know what deep fried Wompa is, but boy does that sound GOOOOOOOD! So thanks, Benjamin, wherever you are. Darth and I are very touched by your kind words and sage advise. Mazel Tov to you, my friend.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Hey I made a new title for my blog! One time when I was really little, I made an audio tape of myself explaining how to make your very own Princess Diana crown out of paper, crayons and glue. Lisa found the tape. She has yet to stop teasing me about it. No one knows what happened to the tape, but it's out there. Somewhere out there. Out where dreams come true.
To quote myself,"You could even put STARS all over it. Or, your baby sister.......could HAVE it...."
You know, this sucks. I've been meaning to post for a few days now, and I keep thinking of these great topics. Last night I thought of two really good ones, and as soon as I turn on my computer.....nothing. I got nothing. It's a distant cousin to the dreaded music store disease. You have a long list of CD's you want, ones that you've put off buying or ones you didn't realize you wanted, and you say to yourself, "Self, remember to buy 'Solitude/Solitaire' by Peter Cetera.". But then you walk in the door of Sam Goody and before you know it, you are wandering around aimlessly, blinded by the Photoshop'd Chrome and Diamond logos on the rap CD's, and you're saying to yourself,"What the hell was I looking for??". And it's only several weeks later, when "The Karate Kid pt. 2" is on TNT, and you hear "Glory of Love" bellowing at you from the 1980's, that you realize, "OH YEAH!!!! That's what I wanted!! OK, next time I go, I definitely won't forget....". Well, it's like that.