Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Alright damn it, I'm sick of being sick. Since Friday night I have had the worst cold/sinus infection/hacking cough ever. I had to miss work for the first time ever, and I really need the moneys since my dad is coming to visit next week, and I gots no moneys. Oh well. I just hope I get better right now, because there's a lot going on.
For starters, I'm going to Brianna's bachelorette party on Saturday night, and it's a sleep-over, so i don't want to be coughing up phlegm all over the frigging place.
Then on Thursday my dad and his wife arrive, and I have no idea what we'll all do for the week while they're here. I mean, we'll go out to dinner and all that, but as far as road trips go, I got nothin. Me and Lisa can always take dad on a tour of Ikea I guess. He can finally get that Aardvlicken-qoken armchair he's always wanted. I also really need to get my apartment clean. It's been looking less than clean since I've been sick. Kane has been helping out of course, but he's got so much going on right now too. I want my nice apartment to look good when Dad comes over. I hope he doesn't break my toilet seat again this time though. Last time I thought he was joking, until he carried it out of the bathroom in two pieces.
Speaking of toilet seats, Kane and I saw "Eurotrip" tonight. Wow.
Oh, my ex is in a Wendy's commmercial. Yeah, he stuffs a dollar bill in his mouth for some reason. I only saw it once, and I was too busy saying "What the fuck?" to understand what was going on in it. Some of you Jersey-ites might know him as "Shecky". Well, at least the Jersey-ites who went to Improv Jam.
Anyway, that's about all that's going on with me. I am just hoping that this stupid cold or whatever it is that I have clears up really quick, because I'm sick of coughing until my chest feels like it's gonna cave in. I can't wait to have health insurance next month, so I can NEVER need it.
Also, I wish "Will & Grace" wasn't on my tv right now. What the fuck, who cares about "Will & Grace"? I'm gonna go change it to Food Network. Maybe "The Secret Life of..." is on, and I can make fun of that retarded host. That guy sucks.


Thursday, September 22, 2005

Soooo awesome.
Click on the little tv icon to se the commercial, if you haven't had the (mis)fortune of seeing it on tv already. You haven't lived until you've seen K-Fed (sans 5 o'clock shadow, you might not recognize him!)prancing through the magical forest after a sweaty and glittery Britney. I bet this perfume smells like dirty panties.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

NINE INCH NAILS tomorrow night!


Friday, September 16, 2005

Since I have been posting mainly pictures for the past few weeks, I decided those of you who read this blog might like to actually, you know, READ. So I'm making a list of things about myself, stuff that some of you may know, and some of you may not know. Here goes.
1. I watch The Golden Girls every night before bed. Every goddamn night. I've seen every episode like 100 times, and it's not like an obsessive thing, it's completely a comfort thing. Like being at grandma's house or something. Sometimes though I turn off the tv, for Kane's sake. I don't want him to start to grow a vagina just because I must watch GG.
2. When I was about 9, my friend Amy and I caught a little turtle once by Compton's Creek and put him in a tupperware bowl and gave him some leaves and some black pepper(?) to eat. He was our pet for only 1 day though, because he died.
3. I once hid from the cops by rolling underneath my own car and covering myself with leaves!
4. Sometimes I think about quitting everything and becoming a chef.
5. I would love to name my future children Maggie or Jack. But since Kane's last name is Black, my kid's name would be Jack Black, and that's just stupid.
6. At least once every day I think about the gap in my front teeth, and that if it gets any bigger, I'll look like Madonna during her ghetto faze. This upsets me.
7. One time Lisa and I made this younger girl in our neighborhood go into the woods in the middle of a thunder and lightning storm to "scare away the killer woodchucks". We made up this whole story about how the whole town was doomed, and she was the only one who could save us by going into the woods and screaming "Go AWAY!" 3 times during a lightning storm. She was so scared, and cried alot. She did it though, and you know what? No killer woodchucks ever invaded Belford, New Jersey. That little girl saved our whole town.
8. When I tell people I used to work at Leslie Pools, I usually don't tell them how most of the time me and my friends just got stoned, and cooked up some burgers (and the occasional steak) on a portable grill we set up out back, then took turns taking naps on some solar covers. Best summer job ever.
9. The first time I drove, I very nearly crashed my friend Jen's car into a building.
10. After I got my license, I crashed my car into a building.
11. Only a few people will ever hear my Shirley Temple impression. My real one, that is. Those who have heard it, I'll do it for you, but pleeeeeease don't tell anyone about it.
12. I used to have crushes on the following actors: Christian Bale(well, maybe a little bit still), Christian Slater, Dicrapio, Seth Green, Heath Ledger, James Marsters (as SPIKE, Lengli!!), Johnny Depp(no kidding.), John Corbett, and...........gulp.........Jeff Goldblum. Shut up, I was in 7th grade for god's sake!! I didn't know!!!!
13. I can communicate with my cat Fizzie by just using facial expressions. I'm also teaching him how to fetch. Just like I taught my other cat Riley, although he doesn't do it as much anymore. He's too cool for that sort of thing now, I guess.
14. I'm thinking about going back and erasing #12!
15. When I first lived alone, I had a pile of dirty laundry in the closet of my old apartment that I left for so long, that there was actually some sort of larvae-looking thing growing inside of a set of sheets. I threw them away.
16. One time I couldn't sleep so I tried to tap dance on a sheet of glass from a broken poster frame in the middle of the night (I thought it would tire me out!!) and smashed it. I wore my tap shoes to walk the glass out to the dumpster at like 3 in the morning, and probably woke up everyone in the apartment complex in the process. I then fell asleep on the foot of my bed, fully dressed, with my hands a little bloodied from the broken glass and still wearing the tap shoes.
17. I get the song "Holy Diver" by Dio stuck in my head at least once or twice a week. This has been going on for like 2 months!
18. I can't think of anything else to write.

Monday, September 12, 2005

As you might have read on Lisa's blog, we decided to not let the terrorists win THIS 9-11 by shopping at a crappy outlet mall. Sure we may have fought a few "battles", like when my garlic knot from the pizza place in the food court was too cold to eat, or when we had to endure the stench of urine and melting plastic wafting through Claire's Boutique. Or the biggest struggle of all, when Lisa's beloved Rav-4 broke down and left us stranded in Anthem, the whitest town in America, where we were witness to both a drug deal AND many small groups of akward white teenage boys!
But nothing could stop our personal war on Terrorism. We showed those fucking terrorists who's BOSS!
Check this out:

I am the William Wallace of the GAP Outlet!!!!! What's the matter, Osama?? Do the smiling faces on these little socks FRIGHTEN you?!

AMERICA:1, TERRORISTS: 0!!!!!!!! Lisa buys armloads of little kids' jeans in protest!!

All in all, we fought hard, and we came to win, and I think we accomplished that.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

This one's for you, BuckNasty.

"So there you are, Tubby. You look like a bucket of lard on a bad day. Baskin Robbins called, they said they're down to only 5 flavors. You're swelling up as I talk to you. Look at you. Hello Ice Cream! Having a good time? Running around??
Heh he he he! What are you laughing at? Cuz I called your friend a fat pig?"
"No, I was laughing about earlier, when you were talking to his belly."

If any of you haven't seen Dirty Work, do yourself a favor and see the film that Mother Theresa herself called "fucking rad".
Fizzie played one of the tigers in Gladiator, but his scene ended up deleted from the final film. "That's showbusiness!" says Fizz (Or "Meeeeeeeeooowwww Mrrrrrrrph")

Here's Riley, taking his girlfriend Tammy to the prom. She would later break his heart. This is what lead him to becoming an angry goth, who writes bad poetry and lashes out at happy passersby. So tragic.

*Last night Kane and I went to Lisa's and watched Evil Dead 2 and drank some good cheap champagne. I made these when I got home. They make no goddamn sense.

Monday, September 05, 2005

I finally finished Robert and Brianna's wedding cake topper!

It's made of fimo clay, lollipop sticks and tulle. And lots of glue. Their wedding is coming up next month, so it's about time I finished it.
Anyway, her head's a little big, and her arms kinda got fucked up, but overall I'm pretty proud of it.
So we ended up doing nothing over the big 3-day weekend. I got so sick on Sunday, and we were supposed to have people over to watch "Evil Dead 2" and "Army of Darkness" that night, but I had to cancel due to impending puki-ness. I think it was either the french toast I made for breakfast, or the poison Kane put in my OJ. One of those two things, probably.
Now it's 11:42, and I should be sleeping since I have to go back to work tomorrow, but here I am in front of the computer. I'm thinking about my job, and how cool it is to finally be doing something I love so much. I haven't really written about it, but I meant to. I know I wrote about starting my new job as a production manager for another company, but I had to quit that job after only 1 week. The amount of work and responsibility that they were putting on me were just not worth the money they were paying me. I also only had 2 weeks to learn the position in and out, and I'd only done maybe 10% of the stuff I needed to do before, so everything was brand new and difficult. I was coming home upset just about every day, completely stressed out and weepy. On top of that, the girl who was training me kept making comments like,"Well, if this isn't something you want to do, we need to know now so we can fill your position.", "We still have all the resumes on file, so if you think you can't handle the position, let us know...", and then the final straw, on Friday afternoon she says,"Well see you on Monday, if you decide to come back, that is!". Now I can take a lot of things, but when I am constantly feeling like they have no confidence in me or my professionalism, I really don't appreciate it. As luck would have it, Monday morning rolled around, and I got a call that the office would be closed for the day, since the air conditioner was busted. So I took the opportunity to go to the bead store and see if they were still hiring, and I had an interview that day, and now I'm working full time at a job I love. It's retail, and I'm on my feet all day, but it's so fun! It's also kind of refreshing to be on my feet, since I was stuck behind a desk for five years, and I think my ass got bigger. Plus the money is better than I thought, and I get benefits. I can honestly say I have zero regrets about quitting that other job. Sure I'd be making more money, but I'd be a miserable person for it.
So that's basically what happened. Sorry it's taken me a while to write about it, but I've been busy so BACK OFF!
Okay, I'm going to bed now. Oh, and I hope you like my new background!! Grrrrr-Argghh!