Friday, April 30, 2004

Yesterday Kane and I killed Bunny BigEars. I bit out the eyes. And they were good and crunchy. We were surprised to learn that this bunny had a butthole. Well, I guess Kane created the butthole because there was some excess chocolate where it's ass was supposed to be (one ASSumes it was placed there to secure the bunny to the cardboard) but after biting off this nub, this bunny had a butthole. I was right about it being shitty chocolate. Kane said it kind of made his mouth feel tingly. In a chemical way.
Either way, I feel less guilty about throwing the damn thing out. I did eat the eyes, so technically I ate it.
Like my pun, by the way? Yeah, I am really funny.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

I think if I were to start a clothing store, I'd call it "CrotchStains". Man, I can't WAIT to see what kinda people shop at CrotchStains! And when I give people their change, I'd put a shmear of mustard on their dollars. Thank you for shopping at CrotchStains.


Monday, April 26, 2004

My boss gave me this big chocolate bunny for easter. It's a "Bunny Big Ears" and it's been sitting on the corner of my desk for 2 weeks. I really don't know what to do with it, but I'm not eating it. It's always hot in my office, so it's probably all warm and mushy, and I hate warm chocolate. Plus it's that cheap kind of chocolate that's all grainy and shitty. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the gesture, but the fucking thing is staring at me all day long with it's empty blue candy eyes, and I gotta ditch him somehow. I don't want my boss to see it dumped in my garbage can, and I've tried many times to pawn it off on my co-workers but no one wants anything to do with it. I guess I'll have to smuggle it outside and chuck it in the dumpster in the parking lot. I feel bad wasting it, and I know my boss was just trying to be nice but fuck this bunny.
Jesus:Cross=Trish:Bunny BigEars

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Hey! Me and Lisa wrote almost the same blog! How 'bout that? Check out her link to the ballet company. You can see a picture of the dude with the donkey head. YEAH! GO DONKEY!
What up G? Last night Lisa came over and we had a hell of a time. We watched a ballet (which we finally figured out was supposed to be "A Midsummer Night's Dream") with the sound off, and instead blasted music by System of a Down, Snoop Dogg, Master P., song parodies from South Park, Schooly D., and William Hung. This is a game we've been playing for as long as I can remember, we each take turns flipping through the channels to find wierd stuff that goes along with the music. Last night, though, the ballet seemed to go along perfectly with everything, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. The best part was when this little guy wearing a donkey head came out from under a tree just as the opening to "Murder was the Case" by Snoop came on. "What's up Niggaz?". Also, William Hung's version of "Rocket Man" was a favorite. We listened to that one twice.
Then we watched "South Park". I think it was one of my all-time favorites. It was called The Jeffersons. "Mr. Jefferson" moved to town with his young son, Blanket, and all of his toys, zoo animals, and carnival rides. He kept breaking into song, he played a great game of "Got your nose!!" with Blanket, and he even climbed a tree with the boys of South Park, and sang a song which sounded an awful lot like "Have you Seen My Childhood?". I was really hoping my girl Marie was watching, because she and I have a special place in our hearts for that song. I think it was probably back in 1993 or something, and we were listening to music in her room. I had brought over some tapes, and one of them happened to be a single of the song from "Free Willy" that Michael Jackson sang. I think it was "I will be there". Anyway, we noticed there was another song on the back of the tape and I had never listened to it, so we popped it in. I think we played it about 10 times in a row, and laughed until our stomachs hurt. To this day when we talk, one of us usually asks, "Have you CHIIIIIIILDHOOOOOOOD???"
CHILDHOOD by Michael Jackson
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...

People say I'm not okay
'Cause I love such elementary things...
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood
I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...

If you've never heard it, you are in for a treat, my friend. It's all slow and dramatic, and it's supposed to "touch your heart". That song kills me. Especially if you listen to it while doing an "interpretive" dance with one of your best friends, ballet-style. It's even better if you put lipstick all around your mouth. Too funny.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I never liked The Beach Boys. They drive me nuts, actually. When I hear their mellow surf-tunes, filled with long, lingering harmonies and high notes, it makes me mad. Maybe mad is not the word, but it definitely raises my blood pressure. Know what else I hated? When The Beach Boys would appear on "Full House" and jam with Uncle Jessie. Maybe I'm wrong about this, but didn't the Beach Boys (or at least just Brian Wilson) hang out with the Manson family? They used to jam with Uncle Charlie and his "family, before they killed Sharon Tate. That's the Manson family, not The Beach Boys. I swear I saw it on at least 2 E! True Hollywood Stories.
Here's some thoughts on "Full House":
1. "How RUDE."-Stephanie
2. "You got it, DUDE."-Michelle
3. "Are you gonna finish those pancakes? I'd like to eat them, then go tease my bangs..."-D.J. (alright, I can't remember her catch phrase)
4. "Have merrrrrrcy!"-Uncle Jessie to either his wife or his youngest neice. Hmm.
5. "Insert Bullwinkle impression or jackalope here."-Uncle Joey. Then punch yourself in the throat. Hard.
6. "Gotta clean stuff! I'm always cleanin' and stating the obvious!"-Dad Danny Tanner
Kane and I always liked when they would have a sentimental moment on the show, which usually took place in Uncle Jessie's room with one of his 3 nieces (Hmm.). The music sounds like someone fell asleep on a keyboard, it's just one really long note. It's true, if you flip through the channels and come across Full House, leave it on for a minute. You won't have to wait long. There's always some bullshit going on, like Michelle's goldfish died or D.J. got date raped or something. Before you know it, they all file into Uncle Jessie's 50's rock-themed bedroom, and someone gets a hug and the music is just, "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...".
Good day to YOU!

Thursday, April 15, 2004

So today I'm having my car fixed. Kane helped me get it to the dealership this morning, and now Tony will drive me back to pick it up in a little while. Turns out there really is something wrong with my car, since it stalled out 8 times (no exaggeration) on my way home from getting the oil changed last night. Anyway, the dealership told me there were two major things that needed to be done with the car, and that it would cost about $550.oo. I don't have that $$$. I called my dad, and being the awesome mechanic he is, he told me that one of the things they said needed to be fixed actually didn't need to be fixed. They were trying to sell me unnecessary stuff, and my dad caught them. So I called the guy at the dealership back and told him that I didn't want both repairs done, and of course he didn't admit he was wrong, he just said, "Okay, but I don't know how long your car will last without it....". Fuck you, Mr. Liar. Daddy says my car will be fine.
So instead of $550.oo, I am only paying $334.oo. That kicks ass!! My dad rules!
If you are reading this and you are in the New Jersey area, take your car to my dad's shop for repair. He's nice, and honest, and he won't try to cheat you. JTL (Stands for Jeff, Tricia, Lisa) Automotive in Keyport. Thanks Daddums.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

YES!!! Blogger finally let me update my blog!
I've been trying for a whole week to update it, and it would not let me log in. Hopefully this is not just a temporary fix, because boy will I be mad. I'll be so mad I'll just sit by my computer and frown.
I'm having what you might call a "bad day". Or "a case of the Mondays", if you want your ass kicked for saying something like that.
My car would not start this morning, then stalled out 2 times while I was waiting at traffic lights on my way to work. Then I get all kinds of shit for taking a sick day yesterday, and I have about 5 major projects that all have to be done TODAY. Then, money has been real tight for me lately, and I just mailed a check to the IRS for $2,500 that I owed them (if you recall my fun tax-evading story from a blog last month), so that was pretty much the exact amount I had in my checking account yesterday. I had to go grocery shopping and put gas in my car and other fun stuff, and I was supposed to get paid today, but I had to use some of my IRS money to do it. I didn't think it would be a problem, since the IRS probably wouldn't be depositing my check yet, but guess what? My boss called in the pay date wrong so my check didn't get deposited, and the IRS just felt the need to cash my check the very same day. I overdrew on my account by $209. The total is so high because for every single transaction you overdraw with, my bank charges $30. So I overdrew with about 4 transactions. On top of that, it seems I am the only one with work to do, and I would LOVE some help with it but regardless of this, my boss let another co-worker leave to go look at a house his wife's parents just bought. Call me crazy (CRAZY!) but won't they own it indefinitely now? Can't he see it, say, AFTER 5 o'clock?? I'm not mad at him really, but I'm just mad at the fucking favoritism in this office. If that was me, I'd never be allowed to leave, I'd be forced to help whoever had work to do. So I have no money AT ALL, and somehow I have to get my car fixed. I'm hoping it's only something stupid like the oil is low, but the "check oil" light didn't come on or anything. Crap, I don't need this shit today.
Sorry for complaining so much. life just sucks a fucking dick sometimes.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Here's an example of how stupid the world can be sometimes: Jennifer Lopez's mother won a $2.4 million jackpot playing the slots in Atlantic City. WHAT? Of all people, Jennifer Lopez's mother?? Her daughter has more money than she knows what to do with. The rich get richer, and the poor get nothing. I was hoping that the article would say she was donating the money to charity or something, but of course not. She's using it to set up a college fund for her other daughter's two kids. So why didn't J.Lo set up a college fund for them? Well let's see, between buying "bling" and new velour sweatsuits and Bentleys, and getting her hair, nails, and makeup done and having weddings all the time, she's just plain tapped out. Poor Jennifer Lopez. Now that I think about it, Thank you, God, for gifting Momma Lopez with $2.4 million. You are a fair and just God. Now I have to go give away all the money I have to my name to bill collectors and the IRS. Thanks again, God.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

Well, it's April Fools Day, and someone got me. I won't say who, since she might get one of you too, but she got me. Just to clear my good name, she wouldn't have gotten me if I had known what day it was. I don't keep track of April Fools Day, or things like that. I'm really bad with dates, in fact for a while there I couldn't even remember when my anniversary with Kane is. April 12th. Gotta remember that!! I always forget friends' birthdays and I always feel REALLY bad about it too, especially when they remember mine. My old partyin' ways are coming back to haunt me, in memory loss form!! AHHH!!
So Lisa's friend Frank has a brand-new blog, so congrats, Frank! We've met a couple of times, most memorably at the Halloween party thrown by me, Lisa, Kane and Tom at Lisa's house, when he was dressed as a baseball player with a baseball stuck in his noggin. Good costume, too. So whether he remembers me or not, I have a picture of us hanging out on Halloween, looking a bit bleary eyed (at least I do, I drank quite a few drinks that night.). Frank has also met my boyfriend, Kane a lot of times, but never seems to remember him. Poor Kane-dy Kane. They usually meet at auditions and stuff, and whenever they do, Kane tells me, "Oh, I saw Lisa's friend Frank today. I don't think he remembered me though...".
Man, I can't write anymore. My boss keeps throwing work at me, and when I mean throw, I'm speaking literally. My desk is now full of little scraps of paper and post-its with indecipherable notes scratched on them, and she's still spouting out things for me to do even as I'm typing this. See, she fired the new woman, so now not only do I have to do my multi-tasking, thankless job, I now have to be her butt-monkey too. Gotta go, wish me luck.