Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Kane just pointed out that the new King Kong looks an awful lot like Katie. Hmmmm. Coincidence? Or has Peter Jackson been spying in Lisa's windows for the past couple of months? *Note to Lisa, get some curtains.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Here's a little something I like to call an "Excerpt From An Article That Lisa Wrote For The Carwash Magazine She Worked For Way Back When". Let's all listen up, shall we?
Fact or Friction?

"Remember the beer commercial a few years back with the "tastes great, less filling" debate?
The basic premise was, there was one camp who felt that the given beer tasted better than the competitor beer. The other side of the debate represented those individuals who felt the beer was lighter and not as heavy on the stomach as the beers of the past."

Lisa, I don't know what the hell you were rambling about, but God love ya, that is one damn eloquent way to describe the age-old Tastes Great-Less Filling debate.
I hope you learned something dear readers.
Now what the frick does any of this have to do with washing cars? I think you might be an alcoholic, sister. Get some help. Time to check into the Gerald Ford Hospital.

Monday, June 27, 2005

So this past saturday night I threw a surprise party for Kane's 25th birthday. He never had one before, so I thought it would be really cool, especially if this is going to be his last birthday in Arizona with his friends here and everything. So first of all, the cake(which I'm sure you read about already on Lisa's blog, but what the hell):

I can't just make a normal cake. I'm not capable of it. I always have to add something funny, or highly offensive, or both. This year I asked Jen to bake brownies (I didn't want to tip Kane off by making them myself! Thanks Jen!!), then made a grotesque yet delicious scene of a pirate slaughtering babies on the top.
Note the blood on the pirate's mouth. Yeah, he took a bite of a baby's head or something.

Here's Robert, Jen, Lisa and Greg helping to decorate the apartment. It looked super festive. I decided I need to have more parties with balloons and streamers. It's more fun to get drunk when there's streamers hanging around.

And thanks Robert for wisely predicting at the very moment this photo was taken that it would be going up on my blog! Very smart Young Fleming is.
Here's the big moment, when Kane wandered in off the street, completely shocked and confused by the bright colors and lights. He often feels this way, but this time there really was a party!

Now here's some random drunken scenes--->

Here's Mike enjoying the shit out of some Tab and sitting with his friend (whose name is escaping me but he was a cool guy). Greg gave Kane a box of Tab for his birthday, which I have to say is one of the best presents ever! And the wierd thing is, even though it wasn't in the fridge the Tab stayed ice cold the entire night (which didn't end until about 3:30am). That is some magical soda.

Here's me, Lisa and Dayna posing like statues for no apparent reason. You can't tell in the picture but I'm wearing my new shirt that has Ricky from Better Off Dead on the chest. It's the picture he gives Monique to always remember her the United States. Gotta take a better picture of that shirt, I am totally proud of it.

Doesn't it look like the balloon is growing out of the back of Kane's head?

This is probably one of the best pictures of Lisa ever. She look almost Presidential with that shark hat on.
Well that's all I got. Kane, I hope you had a really good time, and that your 25th year is filled with merriment and whatnot. I love you. Now help me eat the rest of the dead baby cake. It's sitting on the counter, and I don't want it to go bad.
Alright, just cut this shit out, already!

I love how not even the people in the background of this picture look amused. These two, and I'm sorry, I refuse to call them TomKat, make me want to punch somebody.

Friday, June 24, 2005

My online store is open for bid'ness!!!

There's not a whole lote of stuff up there just yet, but it's a start!
Anyway, let people know about it, so I can become very rich and work from home and be my own boss, then I can hire all of you and we can hang out and make beaded jewelry and laugh and laugh and laugh! Ha ha ha!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Tonight my power went out for about 2 1/2 hours, which completely sucked because even at night in Arizona it's still like 99 degrees, so I am oh-so-thankful to have the air conditioning back on. I am still glad there was a storm tonight though.
I love storms. Even when I lived in NJ and there were storms all the time, I was always happy when it was going to rain. So of course since AZ has maybe 2 storms a year, I freak out and bust out the camera.

Here's the view from my patio as the storm was at its worst. You can see how thick the rain was, since the picture is completely grey, and all the palm trees are bending over. Like your mom.

Here's another picture from my balcony, which I like because it shows my sweet lantern, apparently undisturbed by the crazy winds that are knocking down trees, and in turn, knocking out my power.

Here's Pig, chewing on a shoe.

Here's Riley, guarding the remote and sleeping with one eye open. Don't even try to touch that remote or you will lose a finger or two.

Here Endeth the Post.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

As I was looking for a picture of a rainbow to re-create the old Great Adventure logo, I found this:

Draw your own conclusions.
Anyway, here's the Great Adventure logo from the 80's. I can't wait to put this on a t-shirt.
In the midst of all the craziness that has been going on lately, I completely forgot to post about something hilarious I saw on Thursday night.
We were watching Batman Begins, and the theater was pretty crowded. Jen, Kane, Skip and I were sitting behind these two boys, who were probably about 12 or 13. You know that awkward stage. Every time we see a kid around that age, Kane and I love to point out that he's always wearing big black sneakers. I don't know why it is, but for some reason boys at that age have big, clunky feet that are too big for their bodies that look like they haven't learned how to walk smoothly with yet, and they wear the most gigantic black sneakers they can find. It's true, try to check it out if you think of it. I swear that like 9 times out of 10, the kid plodding through the mall, who conveniently moves right in your way as you try to navigate around him to pass him is wearing huge black sneakers that make his awkwardness shine like a suit of armor.
Anyway, about 1/2 way through the movie, one of them gets up to go to the bathroom (I assume, I didn't follow him or nothin'). He sees that the rest of the row is full, and rather than try to push past all the people, he decides to just climb over the back of his seat andwalk out of our row. He clumsily swings one leg over the back of his chair, loses his footing and *SMACK*- he violently drops down onto the back of the seat and catches himself right in the balls! As someone who doesn't have balls, this even made me go "Ooooo!". The kid froze there for a few seconds, and hardly made any sound at all, aside from a quick intake of breath followed by a small, pained grunt. Needless to say, all 4 of us just happened to be looking in his direction when Operation:Ballpuncture happened, and we all burst out laughing so hard we had tears coming down our faces. We tried to be quiet about it and NOT laugh in this poor kid's face, but I don't know how successful we were at that. It's so sad, but when the kid finally came back and climbed back over his seat again, I was just thinking, "Come on, come on..... pleeeease slip on something...".
Being in such close proximity to someone getting clocking the nuts is sooooo funny! At least, someone I don't know, that is.

Friday, June 17, 2005

OK, long story short: the past 2 days have sucked. Well, aside from seeing Batman last night, but more on that later.
I got home from work yesterday to find a message on my machine that my storage unit at Shurgard storage had been broken in to. I called them right away, and had them check to see what was left. Everything is gone with the exception of two boxes of Halloween decorations, one box of Christmas decorations, and a signed poster from the Broadway cast of "The Secret Garden". Everything else is gone, including my iMac computer and my Barbie collection(this was worth a ton of money, since it was all of the Holiday special edition Barbies, dating back to about 1988, and still in their original boxes.). There was also a lot of other boxes and stuff, mostly filled with sentimental value-type stuff. :(
Luckily I had insurance on the storage unit, but still, I don't know if it's going to help at all. Today I ended up taking the whole day off, so I could get up and go over there first thing this morning to take an inventory of what is missing. I made my recorded statement to the insurance company, then, after a wonderful break to go to the DMV (yay!) I had to wait around all day for the police to contact me so I could meet up with them and make my statement for the police report. They didn't contact me until around 4, so my day was pretty much just wasted sitting around doing nothing. This friggin sucks.
I want my stuff back!!! I hate knowing that there's some stranger out there going through my personal property and just completely disregarding my privacy. I tell you one thing, if I find out who did this, and they happened to put their dirty hands on my favorite christmas decoration that my grandmother made that was in one of those boxes, then I'll be writing this blog from prison 'cuz I'll kill that motherfuck!!
P.s. Loved Batman, hated Katie Holmes and her too-far-apart eyes and mushmouth.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

I wish I was at the beach today. Just laying in the sand with my headphones on, staring up at the clouds in the sky and feeling the cold mist from the ocean on my skin.
I also wish seahorses really looked like they do in "The Life Aquatic".

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

High on Play-Doh fumes.

One of these characters is not like the other ones.
I don't think I'd want my children making friends with Darth Vader*. He kills younglings.
*Did they even make black Play-Doh??
Here's the lyrics to one of my favorite songs.

What Happened to the Water? by Brak
What happened to the water, the water, the water
What happened to the water
The water so wet!

It mixed up with the dirt, the dirt, the dirt
The water got into the dirt and turned into mud
The mud got on my shoe, my shoe, my shoe
The mud got on my shoe, and then I came inside

I messed up the carpet, the carpet, the carpet
My mud got on the carpet, and my Mom got mad
She sent me for some water to clean up the carpet
I turned on the faucet, but nothing came out
What happened to the water, the water the water
What happened to the water
The water went into clean the carpet and wash the dog
And WAAAAAAAASH......the DOG.................
.....................Wash the dog!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Affleck played perverted prank on Smith June 10, 2005 9:59 AM
We all knew that Ben Affleck and Kevin Smith were close, but a new item in today's PageSix really gets to the heart of the matter.

According to PageSix, the Jersey Girl director told Maxim UK about a perverted prank that Affleck played on him called "fruit basket."
"I'd be sitting in the director's chair and I'd be watching a playback, and he'd stand behind me. Every once in a while I'd feel something on my neck. I'd be like, 'What the [bleep] was that?'" explains Smith. "And I'd turn around and he'd have his [scrotum] out and resting on my neck. I was like, 'What the [bleep] is wrong with you, dude?' What if it got out in the press that that's the kind of thing you do?' He's like, 'No one would ever [bleeping] believe you, sir.' "

.......................So, did he do this to Jennifer Lopez, you think?
I hope so.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

This is really old, I made this back in '02. But I think it still applies.
Good evening ladies and gents.
As I sit here in front of computer, I remember a poem that my father used to recite in my younger days. It was from this book he had that was written by John Lennon, and it goes like this:
Good Dog Nigel by John Lennon

Arf, arf, he goes, a merry sight,
Our little hairy friend,
Arf, arf, upon the lampost bright
Arfing round the bend.
Nice dog! Goo boy,
Waggie tail and beg,
Clever Nigel, jump for joy
Because we're putting you to sleep at three of the clock, Nigel.

The thing is, I didn't think John Lennon had a sense of humor. But I guess he did, because I think this poem's pretty funny.
Another thing my dad used to say is, "WHO LOVE DA DOVE? WE ALL LOVE DA DOVE!". Then he'd laugh to himself. I never found out what the hell that means, but we'd all laugh anyhow. Laugh and laugh and laugh.
Then our heads exploded.
Hey, when I do a google search on my dad's name, this comes up. Yay dad, rebuilding engines! WE ALL LOVE DA DOVE!

Monday, June 06, 2005

This is by far the best picture ever taken of Malcolm.

He's enjoying the hell out of Lisa's birthday cake. That is one happy 5 pounds of dog.
Someone finally arrested Russell Crowe! Oh happy day! I'll sleep better knowing that big bloated motherfucker is off the streets! Ha ha!

Friday, June 03, 2005

Happy Birthday Lisa! This one's for you...

"The six-fingered dawn
creeping slowly over the hills and....foothills of one's cerebellum,
bleeds profusely for the LOSS of all that one desires.
These places within, and........without......
Places..................we're afraid to cry about
yet , home.
Like E.T.
Still though, the ship.........COURSES on through three-fingered.......WATERS.
Headed homeward.
.........Like a tired sailor.
Headed Homeward.
Towards LOVE?"
Thanks for being the best sister ever. I love you enough to break my own finger.