When I was little, there wasn't very much that my dad and I did together, or talked about. He had his busy life out in our garage, working on cars and whatnot. I had my Strawberry Shortcake dolls and Barbie Dream House to tend to. But there was one thing we always agreed on, the ultimate food: Cheez Waffies.

If you don't live on the east coast, you've probably never heard of them. They probably sound gross to you, and to be honest, they kind of are. But we ate them like they were going out of style. My mom would come home from the grocery store, with a shiny-new bag of Cheez Waffies, and my dad and I would be devouring the little waffles-n-cheese sandwiches before she even had a chance to put them in the cabinet.
I don't know what it was about them that made them so good, it may be as simple as the word "Waffie". More things should have the word "waffies" in it.
Cheez Waffies were made by the Wise snack food company. They are the same company that make the famous Dipsy Doodles, which I'm sorry if you've never had a chance to eat them, that sucks for you. They are pure magick. Just ask Mike. Anyway, I think a good slogan for Cheez Waffies now, in our health-conscious society, would be "Cheez Waffies-Not WISE for Your Health!". There are several reasons why this would be effective:
1. It would warn the consumer up-front about what they're getting themselves into. Don't sit there trying to calculate all the goddamn trans-fats and calories and carbs and shit. They come in a cellophane bag. The color of the cheese will never be found in nature. They aren't good for you. Don't try to justify it, like, "Oh, if I just eat half of one, then I can stay within my calorie limits for the day...". No. They are not WISE for your health. If you want to eat healthy, stay away. If you are having a rotten day, where you are stressed out and need to pamper yourself with a little delicious junkfood, then Waffies are your guys.
2. All of the rebellious, ironic teenagers would finally have a way to express their angst in snack-food form. Eating Cheez Waffies would be right up there on their coolness scale with smoking cigarettes.
3. If they came up with a new slogan, that would mean they still make Cheez Waffies, and this would make me very happy. I'd have to call my dad, and tell him how much I love him. And the buttons on the phone will be all orange from my Cheez-y fingers.