Thursday, September 18, 2003

I'm really glad that someone tried to cut off David Blaine's water supply to that little box he's living in. Apparently David got a "rude awakening" when someone "climbed" up and tried to "hack through" the water hose. I hope this story doesn't shatter any illusion he might have been attempting, like "Watch as I create water from the thin air inside my enclosed chamber!" Then he'd drink water from his hand (out of the tube that he has weaved through the sleeve in his jacket) and all the people would should "Hallelujah! All praise David!!" Then the queen would knight him and he'd get some Grade-A tail from some british models.
I actually think David Blaine is a piece of crap. He is not a magician, like Houdini or TBS's fabulous"The Masked Magician", but rather like he's auditioning for "Jackass". I was praying he'd freeze to death in that block of ice last year, but unfortunately he made it out alive and well, just in time to nail Fiona Apple. And that whole cutting-off-his-ear stunt he did at that press conference was not spectacular or awe-inspiring, it was just stupid and gross. I could be an amazing "magician" too if I had a team of special FX makeup artists to do all the work for me. I liked when Johnny Knoxville let the baby alligator bite his nipple better. Now that was magical!!
Also, why did D.B. choose to go to England for this pointless stunt? Did he figure the rest of the world doesn't make fun of America enough yet, so maybe he should bring his stupidity to another country and show them, "It's not just a rumor, I really AM this retarded!" I bet he think's when he's done with this trick he'll have a shot with Paris Hilton. Isn't that really why he does this shit anyway? So he can hang out with actors and rock stars and trick innocent dumb models into believing he has talent too?
I hope he gets killed this time. Maybe someone will cut off his air supply. Not "I'm all Out of Love" Air Supply, his oxygen so he can't breathe and he suffocates to death. That'd be a stunt I'd want to see. Does he take requests?

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