Did you know that Sophia Loren won an Oscar for a role she played in a language that was completely foreign to her? I think that's pretty sweet. I have enough trouble making up spanish words when I make fun of Jennifer Lopez. Sophia Loren also has really bad stage fright and has never performed on a stage. So she may have that Oscar, but I got her beat in the stage department. I've been in a bunch of plays. What's that Sophia?? You're in awe of my talents? Well, who could blame you, honey.
I found this crap out on IMDB.com, I love that website. I go on there and look up random movies and read all the trivia and bloopers and stuff, it's a great way to waste some time. On Saturday night I stayed over at Kane's place, and we spent almost all night reading movie reviews. Anyone who makes a profile can submit movie reviews and some of them are so hilarious. My favorite guy is grandmastersexy, who calls every low-budget B-movies "Independent films". He also likes to talk about T & A (titties and ass, for those not 'in the know' about the slang), and he had really bad run-on sentences which are fun to read aloud in a monotone voice to your boyfriend when you're both a little buzzed. Let's see what he has to say about, oh..."Jason X":
"Well to start things off,I saw it at 5:00 PM...not the best time to go as far as wanting to see the draw attendance....the theater was about 2/4 full and everyone was having a good time with the comedic parts.After the movie i saw a few kids saying,it sucked and it wasnt like the others...but they obviously dont know some reasons about why it was made.As for me,i thought it was very enjoyable,better then i expected...gore and kills were GREAT and VERY CREATIVE! T&A was very high as far as sexual relations and scenes were concerned,only a few boob shots,but lots of makeout scenes and sex related humor.Overall,very good,and way better then i ever would have expected it to be.Highly Recommended To See In Theaters rather then video,it gives you a much better vibe.I will be seeing this 2 or 3 more times in theaters,which lets you know even more its entertaining."
I wonder if he has anything to say about Leprechaun 2?
"Leprechaun 2 is the sequel to the 1990 film with jennifer anniston of friends...and is surprisingly good and watchable..who would think a film with a lerpechaun killer would be good?Me...this film surprised me,the only one of the leprechaun series with a plot when the lep needs a bride and finds her but people get in his way which p***es him off and his gold is missing...so now hes not stopping the blood and not starting to leave!"
Wow!!! Sounds like a must see to me!!!
There's another guy who writes great reviews, and at first I couldn't tell if he was serious or not since there are so many many morons who write about how great "From Justin to Kelly" was. This guy made us laugh so hard, especially when he talks about Rob Schneider.
My Boyfriend's Back, 1993
"This movie is so hilarious it's not funny. I crapped my pants from laughing so hard and was afraid to stand up because everyone would see it. A bumbling fartknocker dies and he still wants to go on a date with this girl so he comes back from the dead to do it!! I know what you're thinking and the answer is yes, it is as funny as it sounds. It was almost as good as Beethoven 3, or even police academy 6!!!!! The only thing that would be sweeter than this movie would be a remake of The Godfather, with the comic genius Rob Schneider as Sonny, and that would be pretty sweet. In conclusion see this sweet movie because it's one of the the sweetest movies about dead guys coming back from the grave to go on a date with girls of all time. "
Beethoven's 4th, 2001
"If Ludwig Van Beethoven had lived to see such artistic genius be created with a character with his name, he would have wept of joy. For this film is so sweet that i'm gonna crap myself. an incredible performance by digby the talking dog as beethoven is just one of the many highlights of this event. Beethoven seems to start acting strange, he's not up to his usual schemes, and judge reinhold (in an incredible performance as the father) wonders what is wrong. They soon find out that beethoven has been switched by a better fartknocking dog. The sorrow that the family goes through is shocking and unbelievably real. I also think Rob Shneider would be excellently cast as the father, or any role. Also the film did not have as many fart jokes as i would have hoped for. We all know that what holds together films is the fart jokes, and i believe that Rob Schneider could have provided enough fart jokes for our satisfaction. But despite the lack of Rob Schneider and fart jokes, this movie was a great ride with an ending so powerful that it changed me as a human being. "
Extreme Ops, 2002
"Every once in a while you see a movie so amazing that it has a place in your heart forever. Every once in a very long while you see a movie that is so good that it changes your life forever. In my life I have come across several of those movies, but when i went to see extreme ops, i viewed a movie that is so incredible, that there should be an entire religion formed around it. Throughout the duration of this movie, I got so excited that I crapped my pants at least 6 times. But can you blame me? Here's the plot: A group of killer Xtreme sports stars, are filming a commercial on a mountain, but than all of a sudden they catch this fartknocking criminal of war on tape! The guy finds out, and starts trying to catch them, so to escape they have to bust some chillin moves down the mountain on their boards and stuff! This movie is so good that if Rob Schneider showed up in it I would probably die because of how good it would be!! The plot is so original, you take Xtreme sports and you already have an incredible movie, you add a criminal of war you get the messiah of all movies. In conclusion if you don't join a religion devoted to this movie, you are a terrible person."
These reviews are so awesome theat I almost crapped my pants. The only thing that would be better is if Rob Schneider wrote them. Oh man, WOW! And anyone who credits Judge Reinhold with "an incredible performance" definitely has their head on straight!! Finally Judge gets the recognition he so richly deserves.