I really can't stand the morning news. Mostly it's just the morning news anchors that fry my chicken (?). This morning I sat down on the couch with my big bowl of Special K and turned on the tv. The first thing I saw on Fox 10 Arizona Morning was this stuffy "I'm trying to act fun and jovial" anchorman, I think his name is Rick D'amico, announcing that his co-anchor is out sick today. Instead of having her there, they opted for some wierd chicken mascot from God only knows what team. Don't arizona teams just have snakes and lizards and wolverines for their mascots? What up wit' da chicken? Anyhow, old Rick introduced the chicken like so,"Well, in place of Illona Carson today, we have a team mascot...Uh, what ummmmm.....Where are you going? What's this guy's name?" (Man in Chicken costume leans forward and points to his back, and on the back of his team jersey reads 'Spike'.). "Oh, ummmm, SPIKE! We have Spike here with us today and.....Do you like fresh fish, um, uh, Spike?? Do you like fish? Well coming up in the next half hour we'll meet a local chef...". At this point I rolled my eyes to no one, and changed to channel 12. Good Old NBC. Matt Lauer, Katie Couric. Maybe I'll actually hear some news from THESE respected journalists. Nope. I flip to that channel, and see Matt, Katie and Roker wearing "funny" hats and drinking margaritas (surely non-alcoholic. Can't have Matt giggling like a little girl through the story about all the orphans who died in last night's fire or something.), and announcing "Coming up soon, Jimmy Buffett will be here!!". Matt Lauer, who is wearing a foam shark fin on his head with his suit, got a lil' wacky and tilted the shark fin slightly off-kilter, which brought on boughts of hysterical laughter and screams from the huge crowd on the street. Very funny, Lauer. Well played.
The only one who seemed even close to pulling of the laid-back Buffett fan 'tude was Roker, who at least bothered to show up in a cheesy hawaiian print shirt and a straw hat, and was the only one to even take a sip of his margarita. Still, I'm so not buying it. Just stop. And does anyone really like Jimmy Buffett? Or is it just stuck up, stuffy old rich people who call themselves "Parrotheads" in an attempt to show their "fun" side? Bullshit, you may be "wastin' away again in Margaritaville", but you still cheat on your wife and try to bully your spoiled kids around.
I got yer fucking long lost shaker of salt right here, buddy.