Last night I had this really weird dream, and since I got nothing better to tell you about, here's what it was.
I dreamt that I had to have stomach surgery, and that Dane Cook was the surgeon. I was awake during the whole operation, and I couldn't feel anything, just a slight tugging of my insides, which I think is just as bad. Anyway, I don't know what the problem was, but it seemed that I had a bunch of cross pendants from my job stuck in my stomach lining. They're sterling silver, inlaid with mother of pearl and turquoise. They're actually really pretty. Anyhow, Dr. Dane Cook had to remove each one at a time, but instead of pulling the whole thing out all together, he had to remove all of the stones from the silver first, then the silver part. And the whole time he's operating on me, he's just talking and talking about why I should go see "Employee Of The Month". And I'm just thinking, No, I'm really not interested in that movie, I'm sorry. Please pay attention to the operation, you jackass. I said none of this of course, but just silently layed there, wanting the operation to be over.

Oh, Dane. It's not that I don't like you. I do. I really do. Your albums are so funny, and you were awesome when we saw you at the Improv. It's just......her, you know? Look at her eyes, her vacant expression. Even YOU don't look comfortable next to her. I mean, if they had cast any other actress, I might....Ok, now you're just getting upset. Let's not say anything we don't really mean! You know what? If you can just relax a little, maybe make one or two movies a year, but mainly stick to your comedy, I'll buy you a candy apple at the mall. What do you say, buddy? Deal?
Anyway back to the dream. Well, that was it, basically. Except when I woke up, my stomach really hurt. Ooooooooo. Tell that story around the campfire this Halloween.