In honor of Halloween, or "Costume Day" as those PC assholes are calling it, I thought I would post some "Ghostly" pictures to put everyone in the "Spirit" of this "Ghoulish" holiday! Try not to crap your "Trousers" because of how "Scared" you "Are"!
This one's a little wordy for me, but I appreciate the big confused looking owl. I do NOT, however, appreciate the scary silver witch floating ominously in the background. And is that the ghost of the large, confused owl looking on? Maybe he's looking back on his life, and regretting standing on the branch next to all those instructions.
Wait, wait wait. I just read some of the card. Does it say to pluck some owl feathers and EAT them? Sister, if you're out wandering in the woods eating owl feathers, you got a hell of a lot more to worry about than Halloween greetings. See a doctor or something. Jeez.

Umm, why have the tradition of wearing pumpkins on your head faded away? I think what this girl is doing has something to do with choosing a mate, as do most Halloween traditions. Let's hope she doesnt end up with the Beggarman, or *gasp* the SAVAGE! See him at the bottom, sadly eyeing what he can never have. How come only the Doctor, the lawyer and the beggarman have bodies? Partial bodies are better than no bodies, right? Choose the Lawyer, he has a left arm and some papers or something!! Choose the Lawyer!

This witch has a dick. And a severe case of Roseacea.Maybe she's just blushing at the size of her member. "Oooooooo, look how big my dick is!"

Here are 3 jaunty fellows, up to some tricks. Notice the man in the background, doing his damndest to protect his livelihood from the town's young punks. Better catch up, #3! Old man Farmer's waving a shotgun up there, and nothing kills Halloween fun like getting plugged in the back of the head.

Happy Halloween, Geeks! Renaissance rejects on the loose! Renaissance rejects on the LOOSE!!!

Here's a fun couple. Adelade and Tommy. Those clowns!

Today Kane and I went to the Halloween store to try and find a witch hat for me for Halloween. I originally was going to be a blue fairy, but I couldn't find a dress that was plain blue. Then I was going to be a bat, because I found these really cool purple and black wings. Then I found a really really cute black dress at the mall, and it's sort of witchy, so now I'm being a witch. I can never make up my mind ever. But I do know that this year I have to be something that people won't ask "What are you supposed to be?". Last year I was the chick from "Pirates of the Carribbean" and I worked so hard to sew my costume and make the necklace with the coin on it, and Kane had a perfect Jack Sparrow costume and we were next to each other the whole night, and people still thought I was Cinderella. Fuck that. This year, as long as I can find a witch hat, everyone will know at a quick glance what I'm supposed to be. So this year it's nothing but drinking and more drinking, uniterrupted by stupid questions.
Anyway, my whole point is, does anyone sell just plain old black witch hats?? All of them were either leopard print or zebra striped or covered in all kinds of shit. I'd settle for one covered in bats and spiders and crap, but not for $30. I did find a really cool little 50's looking hat with a big spider on top and thought that would be cool, but then I remembered it would bring me right back to the "What are you supposed to be?" problem.
Maybe I should just forget the whole thing and be Donatella Versace, like I originally planned. She's scarier than anything I've ever seen.

What happened to my Harry Potter blog??? 'Tis gone! I wrote it on October 21st, and now 'tis GONE.

I was thinking, if P. Diddy (or Puff Daddy or Puffy or Sean Combs or Combie Mcnutz) just steals old songs and remakes them with a little more bass and him going "uh-huh, yeah." over it, I'd like to hear him re-make "Walkin' on Sunshine" by Katrina & the Waves. Mainly because I'd like to hear him sound all bad-ass while singing about walkin' on sunshine. And the video would be him in a solid gold suit waving money around, while surrounded by big-assed girls in bikinis dancing all up on him. Uh-huh, yeah. Bad Boy Fa LIFE.

And now, an unhappy looking dog dressed as a teddy bear. I think I'll change this blog to just be all pictures of animals dressed up. No wait, I won't do that.

Who's reading this that didn't see "Team America"? What's wrong with you? Go see it. NOW! I'll wait.
OK, you're back? You loved it, didn't you?!!!? Yeah, I thought you would.

Both my mom and Lisa sent me this picture today. I like the French Fries. One time my friend Mikey was a Milkshake for Halloween. He wore a little kid's costume, and we had to cut it off of him later that night because it was too tight and he couldn't get it off. Anyway.....

This afternoon I was sitting at my desk, soldiering through the after-lunch slump, when I thought that maybe in my next post I should fake my own death. Not for real, just to see who'd send me flowers. Then, I'd post again, and be like, "Hey, it's me!! I'm alive and well! Sending flowers wasn't so hard, was it Blog readers??! Well, my birthday's June 13th. Get ready to send some more. And for the record, I don't care for carnations, LARRY.". This part would be especially funny because I don't know anyone named Larry.
Anyway, I decided not to do it.
Tonight me and Kane and Lisa (Or Lisa, Kane and I, if you are an English teacher reading this) are going to see "Team America". I haven't been this excited for a movie since, ummm, probably "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkabahn". I never go to movies on opening night, but Matt& Trey are two of my favorite people in the world so I'll risk it. Kane and I just have bad movie-luck. Every time we go, someone ends up sitting in front of/directly next to us, and they talk during the whole movie, or keep getting up, or their cell phones ring, or their newborn baby starts screaming. And opening night of a movie is usually the most crowded it gets, so our chances of a pleasant movie-going experience are even slimmer than usual. When we went to see "28 Days Later" (Not to be confused with the Sandra Bullock Alcoholic Farse "28 Days"), and the entire beginning of the movie is silent, as the lead character awakes from a coma to find that everyone is gone. It's a very eerie and well-done scene, but not when some black girl sitting behind you shouts out "This movie's too QUIET.". Then she has a kid who keeps pulling on the back of your chair(Why do people need rocking movie theater seats anyway?) and grabbing your hair along with it. On top of that, the only seats available were front row, right corner. It was awful.
And that's what you gotta know, everybody.

Fizzie likes to sing "Big Pimpin'" by Jay Z.

Here's Fizzie, politely asking me for some dinner. He always makes sure to say "Please" and "Thank you". He's no Mr. Bungle!

This is a picture of Hilary Duff from the movie "Raise Your Voice". This movie is basically "Mr. Holland's Opus" meets "Music of the Heart" meets "Clueless" meets "The Great Outdoors" meets "Jurassic Park" meets "Boondock Saints" meets "A Movie Trish Don't Wanna See". Is it just me, or does her shirt say "Candy Hoe"?

Merriest Autumn to Ye All.

Ahh, today is a beautiful fall day. The air feels fresh and crisp, and the leaves on the trees are turning from the soft green of summer to vibrant shades of red, orange and gold. Everywhere you look there are signs of autumn; people in the neighborhood have begun digging out their jackets and scarves, their cheeks a little rosier from the chill in the air, and the breeze is rich with the scent of freshly-picked apples and warm pumpkin pie. Harvest Tyme has begun, and Old Mr. McGintywillow and his boys are hard at work on their farm, just as sure as Old Mrs. Stillnerbrau is hard at work in the kitchen, making her famous apple-cinnamon preserves to sell at the Wood's Hollow Autumn Festival. The students in the schoolhouse are abuzz with excitement, planning what ghoulishly frightening goblin disguises they'll wear for Trick or Treating this Hallow's Eve. Why, their teacher, Miss Penny Jacobsonflip, cannot even hold their attention long enough to assign this eve's home-work! And as here I sit on my front porch, carving animal bones into crude, mis-shapen X-rated toys, I reflect upon the autumns of my youth, and wish I had the time to jump once more into a pile of freshly-raked leaves or roll one more newly-bourn baby down a flight of steps.
Ahh Autumn, a tyme to reflect.

Good morning. If you have time, go to click here. I promise it will make you laugh. Pinkie swear!!

AHHH!! Bea Arthur Lapdance!! BEA ARTHUR LAP DANCE! I don't remember this scene. Maybe this was after mom and dad told me it was past my bedtime and sent me to my room.

If I see one more article on the internet today about Britney Spears getting married, with the phrase "Oops, she did it again!" written in it, I'm going to throw my computer monitor down the stairs. No! If I see the NAME Britney Spears anywhere I happen to click when trying to read the news, there's gonna be hell to pay. It's unfortunate that my monitor must be the recipient of my wrath because I can't physically assault the entire internet. I can only hope one day technology will allow us to do so.
Lisa sent me a really cool article about the Monterey Aquarium today. Apparently they have a great white shark on display, and it's actually feeding. This has never happened before, great whites always refuse to eat in captivvity, then either starve to death or are released back into the ocean. I hope this shark continues to do well, because I really want to go and see it. I have always been fascintated with sharks for as long as I can remember, but I've been having nightmares about them for as long as I can remember too. For my entire life I've had nightmares about sharks at least 2-3 times a week, and they stopped for a little while, but now I'm having them again. I still love sharks and I would have loved to study marine biology, but I know the second I get into the water, all the sharks would be like, "Hey!! It's that girl we've been dreaming about eating for the past 25 years!! Let's get her!!! Grr!!".
Goddamn sharks, man.