I have never liked Haley Joel Osment. He just bothers me. Granted, some of his movies are really good, like "The Sixth Sense" and "A.I.", but it's just him that drives me up a wall. My boyfriend Kane sent me a link to see the trailor of a new movie H.J.O. is in, called "Secondhand Lion". From what I gather, he goes to a farm to live with Michael Caine and Robert Duvall and a cute french bulldog. Then there's a Lion in a crate and money thrown all over someone's basment and then they eat BBQ ribs and do some yard work. Oscar is written all over this motherfucker. But watching Haley Joel, it seems that he is getting uglier the older he gets. Not only that, but he also seems to be trying to talk like a child when obviously his voice is changing. Very much like Urkel towards the end of "Family Matters" when he tried so hard to hold onto his funny little nasal voice, but it actually came out sounding like a retarded Eunich with a head cold. But I digress, back to Osment.

If Madame Tussaud ever plans on making a wax statue of our boy Osment, I think the best way to do it would be to make a good model of a generic looking little boy. Then drive it out here to Phoenix and leave it in the sun for a day or two. After the face has melted and began sliding off of the head, feel around for where the glass eyeballs have been covered over when the wax melted. Take a really dull box cutter and jaggedly cut two slits over the eyeballs, pushing the wax down and dragging out the corners. Then pull the mouth open slightly and drip some elmers glue from it, letting it harden into makeshift drool. Then, you know, rough his hair up a bit, and give him a teddy bear or something.

I can't wait to see his E! True Hollywood Story five years from now. Wow. That kid sucks.