Merriest Autumn to Ye All.

Ahh, today is a beautiful fall day. The air feels fresh and crisp, and the leaves on the trees are turning from the soft green of summer to vibrant shades of red, orange and gold. Everywhere you look there are signs of autumn; people in the neighborhood have begun digging out their jackets and scarves, their cheeks a little rosier from the chill in the air, and the breeze is rich with the scent of freshly-picked apples and warm pumpkin pie. Harvest Tyme has begun, and Old Mr. McGintywillow and his boys are hard at work on their farm, just as sure as Old Mrs. Stillnerbrau is hard at work in the kitchen, making her famous apple-cinnamon preserves to sell at the Wood's Hollow Autumn Festival. The students in the schoolhouse are abuzz with excitement, planning what ghoulishly frightening goblin disguises they'll wear for Trick or Treating this Hallow's Eve. Why, their teacher, Miss Penny Jacobsonflip, cannot even hold their attention long enough to assign this eve's home-work! And as here I sit on my front porch, carving animal bones into crude, mis-shapen X-rated toys, I reflect upon the autumns of my youth, and wish I had the time to jump once more into a pile of freshly-raked leaves or roll one more newly-bourn baby down a flight of steps.
Ahh Autumn, a tyme to reflect.

Good morning. If you have time, go to click here. I promise it will make you laugh. Pinkie swear!!

AHHH!! Bea Arthur Lapdance!! BEA ARTHUR LAP DANCE! I don't remember this scene. Maybe this was after mom and dad told me it was past my bedtime and sent me to my room.

If I see one more article on the internet today about Britney Spears getting married, with the phrase "Oops, she did it again!" written in it, I'm going to throw my computer monitor down the stairs. No! If I see the NAME Britney Spears anywhere I happen to click when trying to read the news, there's gonna be hell to pay. It's unfortunate that my monitor must be the recipient of my wrath because I can't physically assault the entire internet. I can only hope one day technology will allow us to do so.
Lisa sent me a really cool article about the Monterey Aquarium today. Apparently they have a great white shark on display, and it's actually feeding. This has never happened before, great whites always refuse to eat in captivvity, then either starve to death or are released back into the ocean. I hope this shark continues to do well, because I really want to go and see it. I have always been fascintated with sharks for as long as I can remember, but I've been having nightmares about them for as long as I can remember too. For my entire life I've had nightmares about sharks at least 2-3 times a week, and they stopped for a little while, but now I'm having them again. I still love sharks and I would have loved to study marine biology, but I know the second I get into the water, all the sharks would be like, "Hey!! It's that girl we've been dreaming about eating for the past 25 years!! Let's get her!!! Grr!!".
Goddamn sharks, man.

I like this picture because my grandmother looks gigantic and glowing, and I am dwarfed by her mere presence. This is the grandmother I wrote about back on January 9th (see archives). I think from this picture you can see how much fun she is. See how much fun I'm having? Why do I doubt we are laughing at the same thing here? Hmmmmm.

I did a painting for Kristen and Ezzy as a wedding gift, because I'm such a fucking cheapskate. I hope they like it. I also hope they open their present before seeing the picture of it on my blog. Anyway, I used to collect antique keys from thrift shops and antique stores when I lived in NJ and I used to polish 'em up in my dad's glass beading machine. The summer dad bought that glass beading machine, us kids went hungry. It nearly bank-rupted us. Thanks Pops! We still make fun of dear old Diddums for that one.
Anyhow, I finally found a use for my old keys. I can put them on paintings, like this one NYAW...

I just did a search for a picture of a glass beading machine to link up to so you could see my dad's most prized posession. I found nothing. He did buy it from the Snap-On Tools truck that was always parked in our driveway, I can tell you that much. Oh forget it!!!

Here's Beetlejuice from Howard Stern. You fill in the blanks here.I, for one, particularly enjoy his teeth.

My friend Buck just sent me a link to this great website. It shows all these people lookin FLY for their senior pictures. I wish Middletown North could have sprung for an awesome "rubble and debris" background with yellow police tape.
I remember when North got a solid gold lion for the front lawn outside of school. It wasn't so much solid gold as it was spray painted cement, but boy was it flashy!! It was great to see our school mascot gleaming majestically in the dirt next to the North sign. Every once in a while during a fire drill you'd see some guy run over and start humping it.

Lisa and Kristen pose for a lovely photo at the wedding. Aren't they splendid? God wanted Kristen to get married. It's just mommy that didn't.

Kane waits for the bus in Bayonne. From the bus we took the subway. From the subway, we took a guy's wallet.

Ahh, badly scanned photos from my NJ trip!
Here we have a picture of me and Lisa with my mom, Uncle Snake and Uncle Ed, after a hearty meal at the Brother's in Red Bank. Right after this was taken, my two uncles asked a family walking by,"How much for the little girl?". Those jokers.

What's with this Jennings guy? Talk about King Nerd-O. What a giant loser. I bet he's never had a date in his life!!
Wait, he won how much money? Oh.

Alright, just calm down. Let's everybody just CALM DOWN! Now relax, no one's gonna know! I got plenty of paper towels and.....CALM DOWN I SAID!! Jeez, if you keep making a scene, I'm gonna have to get the.....JUST RELAX! If you'd just sit still for two seconds I can wipe it off!! STOP it now. Let's all just settle down now. I mean it.
Cut the crap!

I was about to write a long blog about our NJ trip, but Lisa already beat me to the punch. So to sum it up, I'd say the trip was awesome. I actually started crying when we got back to Arizona and I was hit with a wall of heat and too-bright sunlight. Ugh. Can't wait to go back east for good. The funny thing was, I ran into a girl from my German class in high school at a restaurant. I told her I am living in Arizona, and she said she had moved to Louisiana for a few years. She missed NJ so bad she had to move back as soon as she could. Yeah, I hear ya.
Kristen and Ezzy's wedding was beautiful. I've never been to a wedding where everyone was just so happy to be there and the bride and groom were just beaming. The place they got married at was really cool too, and they had an open bar. Oh I had a few drinks! Kane and I ended up dancing like retards to Beyonce's "Crazy in Love", so a lot of alcohol was consumed between the two of us obviously.
I have to go meet Lisa for lunch now but maybe I'll write more later. I haven't been writing much due to how hectic my life has been lately, but things are about to calm down, so bear with me.
Until then take care of yourselves. And each other.
;)