Hello, everyone. I am feeling rather blah today. Not much going on upstairs. Instead of a blog, here's a picture of Willy Wonka. Hurrah!

This morning my alarm went off and the radio came on. And I don't know if I made this up since I was half-asleep, but I could've sworn I heard a song by John Mayer (it had to be John Mayer, it was all breathy and shitty and said something about "Fathers.......take care of your daaaaaauuuuuuughters..." in it) but then clips from news stories about the tsunami were added every few seconds. Someone please tell me that I dreamed this.
If by some chance I didn't dream it, then I hate John Fucking Mayer even more than I already did. (Here comes a rant, people.) I'm definitely all for helping out the tsunami victims, and raising money for them, but I think a song like that is completely inappropriate. I think there are 3 different categories that people fall into when some huge tragedy happens. There's the people who are very concerned and who anonymously donate whatever and whenever they can. These people generally want to help. Then there's people who only help out when people are there to actually see it, and want tons of credit for it. You can recognize these types of people because A., they're a celebrity or B., they're the guy in line in front of you at Blimpie who make a big show of putting 50 cents into the tip jar, and do it slowly, looking around to see if people are watching. Wow man, that's REAL big of you! And the last group is made up of the people who secretly get off on tragedy. They'd never admit it in a billion years, but they get kind of excited when something horrible happens. They can't wait to hear all the gory details and see pictures of people whose lives are destroyed, and put all the "UNITED WE STAND" and "9-11: WE WILL NEVER FORGET" bumper stickers on their cars. These are the people for whom stupid shallow rock stars prey upon to sell their gimmicky music in times of trouble. In fact, you're NOT a good american if you didn't buy Springsteen's album dedicated to the victims of 9-11. And wasn't it wonderful how 9-11 united everyone? So maybe the unthinkable happened and all these people suffered horrible painful deaths (did you see all those photos printed in Newsweek? I have my copy saved in a special dust-free jacket!), it was GREAT how everyone had flags on their cars and sent those poems and stories to everyone on email. In fact, I'm still sending them!
I'm not saying we should forget about what happened, but do you think after December 7, 1941, there was a merchandising blitz, people selling anything that said "Pearl Harbor" on it? Probably not. It's just our society today and the way the media and entertainment feeds it, and it's sad.
Thankfully, I've yet to see any "Tsunami 2004!" t-shirts or bumber stickers yet, and George W. Bush hasn't yet declared a war on underwater earthquakes, but I'm thinking it's just a matter of time.
Whew, end of rant.
Or maybe I did just dream up that John Mayer song. If so, my bad.

Today I started writing a book. This is the first time I've ever done this so it's weird. Lisa's the writer in the family. I'm the artist. Really I'm just writing to copy Lisa! Little sisters always copy what their big sisters do. There you go Lisa, now run to mom and tell her I'm copying you. I promise I'll scream, "I AM NOT!!" and slam my bedroom door. No, I kid, I kid.
I don't think I'll ever do anything with this book, should I ever actually finish it. I don't think I'll ever even let anyone read it. But still, I wants to tell a story.
Goodnight, Blog.

Here's another classic scene from "Better Off Dead":
After being insulted by Roy Stalin and not realizing it, Charles De Mar and Mike Toole break up Roy and Beth's intimate slow dance to congratulate him on a joke well-done!

"You better shave her a little closer before you kiss her goodnight."-Roy
"You better shhhhh......ha HA HAha ha....you better......HA HAHAHAHA!!!!!"-Charles
"HA! Good one Roy! Thumbs up!"-Mike

We went to a New Year's Eve party at my friend Jen's house in Avondale. It was fun, even though it wasn't really our crowd of people. Jen gave us a tour of her brother's house, and along the way we found a disturbingly life-like stuffed dog. It looked more like taxidermy than loveable plaything, and when you push a button, it's belly moves up and down like it's breathing. Ewww. Jen and Kane were brave enough to touch it.

Jen and I model a platter of delicious chicken wings in the kitchen. Shortly after, Kane, Brianna, Robert and I were cornered by a girl who repeatedly told us she was "too old" to go out to da clubs and have fun anymore. She was 27. Robert is 30. Thanks for making Robert feel old, drunk girl.

After soaking up some alcohol, I challenged Robert to a game of Ping Pong in the garage. I don't know who won, but I think we both kinda did. I do know that the guy who threw the party lost, because we must have whipped the ball at his car about 20 times. After a while we started getting really violent. "Extreme Ping Pong". A new olympic sport.

Kane thoroughly enjoyed the game, with a little help from his friend Rum. He got hit with the ball a few times, but he didn't feel it.

After we got tired of Ping Pong, Robert and I took turns beating the hell out of Brianna. That was way more fun than hitting some crappy little ball around.

Here's how much I love Siouxsie:
“Turn off that #$@*% cell phone, you spoiled rotten little brat! This is not about you.”--Singer Siouxsie Sioux, lashing out at Paris Hilton in the Enquirer. Paris had reportedly been yapping on her celly during the toasts at a private party for Deborah Harry. The heiress reportedly blushed and beat it like a banshee out of there. But that didn't stop Siouxsie from giving her a parting shot: "Who invited that silly cow anyway?"

All day I've been searching for pictures of the New Year's Eve dance scene from "Better Off Dead". This is one of my all-time favorite movies. Ever. Lisa and I have had this one memorized since we first taped it off of HBO in '86, and watched it almost every single day. I still can't go a whole month without putting it on, at least to watch a few scenes. The dance is probably my favorite. Anyway I wanted to find a good shot of Stalin making fun of Lane and Charles at the dance, but it can't be found! I looked everywhere. But I did find a really great interview with the guy who played Ricky.


"Well, you sure have my vote for cutest couple! You better shave her a little closer before you kiss her goodnight..."-Roy Stalin

Anyway, Happy New Year! I hope no one uses it as a chance to put his testicles all over you.

What's up everybody? I'm sorry my blog has been just a bunch of pictures lately. I've had nothing to say. Well, there's plenty to say but I just haven't been inspired enough to do it. So how was everyone's Christmas/Hanukah? (Wasn't there something that "The O.C." tried to start, naming all the December holidays "Christmaquanzaahanukah" or something like that? Whatever, "The O.C." pisses me off by just existing. No wait, just that Mischa Barton girl. No wait, all of them.)
Right now it is raining in Scottsdale, and I'm wearing pajamas at work and listening to "Starman" by David Bowie on my headphones. Ever since Lisa and I saw "The Life Aquatic" on Sunday I can't stop listening to Ziggy Stardust. I love this album. But it's one of those that I can't just choose one song, or I can't say why I like it exactly. "The Life Aquatic" was awesome, I definitely recommend it. It is one of those movies that you get totally pulled into the world it creates, and forget about everything else. It's nice to take a 2 hour break from life sometimes. Kane went to the movies on Sunday night too, and he saw "The Machinist" with his friends. I wanted to see that too, but I knew it would be kind of a downer so I chose "Aquatic". Anyhow he said "The Machinist" was good, but a little slow. Although you might have read that already.
Today I'm wearing my new purple scarf, made for me for Christmas by Brianna. It's the coziest, warmest, snuggliest scarf ever. It's made of this fuzzy yarn that feels like a muppet, in two shades of purple. Knowing her she probably strangled a muppet to make it. I hope it was Elmo! Thanks again, Brianna, you're the coolest! Homemade gifts are so much nicer than store-bought ones. Not that I don't appreciate those, but when someone takes time making something it just feels more meaningful. But one of my favorite presents I got this year was from Kane. He got together with our friends Jen, Diana and Robert and made a movie for me. It's called "Yams: a True Toddler Story Performed by Adults". It's a dramatic re-enactment of the time his 3yr. old niece didn't want to eat the yams that Kane's dad made for dinner. His dad said,"Eat them or you won't get any ice cream.". She said,"Mommy gives me ice cream at home..." and Kane said,"Mommy's not going to give you any ice cream. I ate it all.", then she burst into tears. Kane played his neice, and Jen and Diana played Kane and his dad, respectively.
It's much, much funnier than I'm describing it here, you'll just have to see the movie. It's his best film since "Le Wed".
Now I'm off to finish making a new page for our company catalog. Have a good day Bloggers, and I hope none of you gets swept away in a Tsunami. Wear your swimmies and a helmet when you go out, okay?

Now here's Kane after being let out of "jail", but Sierra still is giving him a stern lecture. I can't remember how it went, but it was something like,"And if I ever catch you playing with my Dancin' Pooh again, I'll fucking beat your ass 'till it bleeds, Dicksmoker!!". Yeah, that Sierra has quite a mouth on her.

I got a new digital camera from Kane for christmas!! It's so awesome, I can't stop taking pictures of everything. And if you don't want your picture taken, too fucking bad because I'm taking it anyway! Here's Kane after he was placed under arrest by his 3 year old neice Sierra.

Here's a picture I just sent to my dear friend Buck. His real name is Nathan. He's a crazy motherfuck.

Taryn gave me this pamphlet that arrived in the mail this morning at the office. I don't know what's worse: the title (Messages of the Stars? How new-age cheesy can you get? I know what she's trying to say, but the wording just ain't right. "Dear Polaris, Don't forget to pick up milk. Love, Orion's Belt"), or that this poor girl looks like she has a black eye. It's called concealer, Honey. Use it if your man popped you in your right eye last night because his dinner wasn't ready on time. And next time you better make damn sure that supper is on the table at 6 o'clock SHARP. You hear me?? Love, The Stars.

Here's some stuff I've been doing instead of blogging:
-got approved for a mortgage with my sister, then decided not to buy a house.
-decorated my boss's dining room at her house with red, white and pink ribbon.
-took a candlelit bubble bath while listening to songs from "Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas" on my headphones.
-made perfectly shaped sugar cookies, and then cursed a lot when the finished product looked like big round blobs of nothing.
-ate a lot of sugar cookies.
-almost went to the mall about 8 different times, then wisely decided not to.
-drank a beer or two.
-got a tetanus shot in my left arm.
-had a sore arm from getting my tetanus shot.
-almost finished watching "Arrested Development Season One" on DVD with Lisa. 2 episodes left!!
-listened to a playlist of "Just Dropped in to See What Condition My Condition Was In" by Kenny Rogers and "The Final Countdown" by Europe on repeat. I am doing this right now actually.

Since Lisa is posting some old family pictures, I figured I should contribute a little. Since there's such a demand for these, you know. This is from a fine day in the summer of 83, when our family went to Sesame Place. Here we are on Sesame Street, that's me down in front(I'm the white one), looking unimpressed, probably thinking about hot dogs or ice cream or some kind of food. That's my dad front and center. He's making his,"Jesus Christ just take the damn picture and let's get the hell out of here and go get a hot dog" face. And that's Lisa in the background, smiling brightly in her nautical-themed swimsuit, apparently unaware that The Count is lurking in the window behind her. The Count was like Lisa's biggest fear when she was little. When he would come on TV, she would run and hide behind my mom. Mom would usually give her a hot dog to calm her down. No wait, that was me. And I wasn't afraid of The Count, I was just hyperventilating because the neighbor's cat was in our yard.

But Hot dogs have very calming effect, that's my point.

So I'm working on our christmas cards here at work, and I ran out of ribbon, so I had to run over to Michael's to buy some more. While I was waiting in line to pay, I totally almost saw a soccer mom fistfight!!!! One of them was pushing her stuff up on the counter into the other one's stuff, and she was like, "Ummm, EXCUSE ME but I haven't paid yet..." so I guess the other lady moved her stuff back. But after angry soccer mom #1 paid, she yelled, "What a BITCH!!!" as she was walking out the door. Then soccer mom #2 dropped her stuff and followed out after her, and she was like,"What did you call me? I was just trying to unload my cart, you fucking BITCH!", and then they disappeared from my line of vision out the front door. So anyway, I paid for my ribbon and went outside, only to see soccer mom #1 getting into her car(which was parked in a handicapped spot, by the way) and I guess soccer mom #2 was waiting for her, because as soon as she pulled out of the spot, #2 was right on her, tailgaiting her and giving her the finger. I guess #2 forgot about her huge cart full of shit and decided to just leave. But wow, was that a fun sight to see! I wish some punches were thrown, cuz that would've been awesome! Ah, the pleasures of shopping at Christmas time.

I made this picture to celebrate my favorite bad holiday movie, "Borrowed Hearts". If you have any interest in seeing it, first of all God bless you, and second of all, the Family channel shows it like 100 times during their 25 Days of Christmas marathon. It's about a shallow rich guy who rents a family to impress Hector Elizondo, who is a business associate from Mexico, a fact that the filmakers repeatedly shove down your throat. The rich guy has to give up his free-wheeling, whoring-it-up lifestlye for the time that Roma Downey(who plays the rented mom) and her stupid kid are there, and highjinks ensue. The best part of this movie is that the little girl in it is probably THE worst actress I've ever seen. And her last name is Fruitman, so Jen and I used to have a great time screaming "FRUITMAN!!!!" at the tv whenever she came on. Anyway, if you have seen this wonderfully bad movie, I hope you can appreciate this picture. And if not, I hope you can appreciate this picture. Joyeux Noel, Hector Elizondo.