So this past saturday night I threw a surprise party for Kane's 25th birthday. He never had one before, so I thought it would be really cool, especially if this is going to be his last birthday in Arizona with his friends here and everything. So first of all, the cake(which I'm sure you read about already on Lisa's blog, but what the hell):

I can't just make a normal cake. I'm not capable of it. I always have to add something funny, or highly offensive, or both. This year I asked Jen to bake brownies (I didn't want to tip Kane off by making them myself! Thanks Jen!!), then made a grotesque yet delicious scene of a pirate slaughtering babies on the top.
Note the blood on the pirate's mouth. Yeah, he took a bite of a baby's head or something.

Here's Robert, Jen, Lisa and Greg helping to decorate the apartment. It looked super festive. I decided I need to have more parties with balloons and streamers. It's more fun to get drunk when there's streamers hanging around.

And thanks Robert for wisely predicting at the very moment this photo was taken that it would be going up on my blog! Very smart Young Fleming is.
Here's the big moment, when Kane wandered in off the street, completely shocked and confused by the bright colors and lights. He often feels this way, but this time there really was a party!

Now here's some random drunken scenes--->

Here's Mike enjoying the shit out of some Tab and sitting with his friend (whose name is escaping me but he was a cool guy). Greg gave Kane a box of Tab for his birthday, which I have to say is one of the best presents ever! And the wierd thing is, even though it wasn't in the fridge the Tab stayed ice cold the entire night (which didn't end until about 3:30am). That is some magical soda.

Here's me, Lisa and Dayna posing like statues for no apparent reason. You can't tell in the picture but I'm wearing my new shirt that has Ricky from Better Off Dead on the chest. It's the picture he gives Monique to always remember her trip....to the United States. Gotta take a better picture of that shirt, I am totally proud of it.

Doesn't it look like the balloon is growing out of the back of Kane's head?

This is probably one of the best pictures of Lisa ever. She look almost Presidential with that shark hat on.
Well that's all I got. Kane, I hope you had a really good time, and that your 25th year is filled with merriment and whatnot. I love you. Now help me eat the rest of the dead baby cake. It's sitting on the counter, and I don't want it to go bad.

Alright, just cut this shit out, already!

I love how not even the people in the background of this picture look amused. These two, and I'm sorry, I refuse to call them TomKat, make me want to punch somebody.

My online store is open for bid'ness!!!



There's not a whole lote of stuff up there just yet, but it's a start!
Anyway, let people know about it, so I can become very rich and work from home and be my own boss, then I can hire all of you and we can hang out and make beaded jewelry and laugh and laugh and laugh! Ha ha ha!

Tonight my power went out for about 2 1/2 hours, which completely sucked because even at night in Arizona it's still like 99 degrees, so I am oh-so-thankful to have the air conditioning back on. I am still glad there was a storm tonight though.
I love storms. Even when I lived in NJ and there were storms all the time, I was always happy when it was going to rain. So of course since AZ has maybe 2 storms a year, I freak out and bust out the camera.

Here's the view from my patio as the storm was at its worst. You can see how thick the rain was, since the picture is completely grey, and all the palm trees are bending over. Like your mom.

Here's another picture from my balcony, which I like because it shows my sweet lantern, apparently undisturbed by the crazy winds that are knocking down trees, and in turn, knocking out my power.

Here's Pig, chewing on a shoe.

Here's Riley, guarding the remote and sleeping with one eye open. Don't even try to touch that remote or you will lose a finger or two.

Here Endeth the Post.

As I was looking for a picture of a rainbow to re-create the old Great Adventure logo, I found this:

Draw your own conclusions.
*********************************************
Anyway, here's the Great Adventure logo from the 80's. I can't wait to put this on a t-shirt.

In the midst of all the craziness that has been going on lately, I completely forgot to post about something hilarious I saw on Thursday night.
We were watching Batman Begins, and the theater was pretty crowded. Jen, Kane, Skip and I were sitting behind these two boys, who were probably about 12 or 13. You know that awkward stage. Every time we see a kid around that age, Kane and I love to point out that he's always wearing big black sneakers. I don't know why it is, but for some reason boys at that age have big, clunky feet that are too big for their bodies that look like they haven't learned how to walk smoothly with yet, and they wear the most gigantic black sneakers they can find. It's true, try to check it out if you think of it. I swear that like 9 times out of 10, the kid plodding through the mall, who conveniently moves right in your way as you try to navigate around him to pass him is wearing huge black sneakers that make his awkwardness shine like a suit of armor.
Anyway, about 1/2 way through the movie, one of them gets up to go to the bathroom (I assume, I didn't follow him or nothin'). He sees that the rest of the row is full, and rather than try to push past all the people, he decides to just climb over the back of his seat andwalk out of our row. He clumsily swings one leg over the back of his chair, loses his footing and *SMACK*- he violently drops down onto the back of the seat and catches himself right in the balls! As someone who doesn't have balls, this even made me go "Ooooo!". The kid froze there for a few seconds, and hardly made any sound at all, aside from a quick intake of breath followed by a small, pained grunt. Needless to say, all 4 of us just happened to be looking in his direction when Operation:Ballpuncture happened, and we all burst out laughing so hard we had tears coming down our faces. We tried to be quiet about it and NOT laugh in this poor kid's face, but I don't know how successful we were at that. It's so sad, but when the kid finally came back and climbed back over his seat again, I was just thinking, "Come on, come on..... pleeeease slip on something...".
Being in such close proximity to someone getting clocking the nuts is sooooo funny! At least, someone I don't know, that is.

OK, long story short: the past 2 days have sucked. Well, aside from seeing Batman last night, but more on that later.
I got home from work yesterday to find a message on my machine that my storage unit at Shurgard storage had been broken in to. I called them right away, and had them check to see what was left. Everything is gone with the exception of two boxes of Halloween decorations, one box of Christmas decorations, and a signed poster from the Broadway cast of "The Secret Garden". Everything else is gone, including my iMac computer and my Barbie collection(this was worth a ton of money, since it was all of the Holiday special edition Barbies, dating back to about 1988, and still in their original boxes.). There was also a lot of other boxes and stuff, mostly filled with sentimental value-type stuff. :(
Luckily I had insurance on the storage unit, but still, I don't know if it's going to help at all. Today I ended up taking the whole day off, so I could get up and go over there first thing this morning to take an inventory of what is missing. I made my recorded statement to the insurance company, then, after a wonderful break to go to the DMV (yay!) I had to wait around all day for the police to contact me so I could meet up with them and make my statement for the police report. They didn't contact me until around 4, so my day was pretty much just wasted sitting around doing nothing. This friggin sucks.
I want my stuff back!!! I hate knowing that there's some stranger out there going through my personal property and just completely disregarding my privacy. I tell you one thing, if I find out who did this, and they happened to put their dirty hands on my favorite christmas decoration that my grandmother made that was in one of those boxes, then I'll be writing this blog from prison 'cuz I'll kill that motherfuck!!
Grrrrrrrrr.
P.s. Loved Batman, hated Katie Holmes and her too-far-apart eyes and mushmouth.

I wish I was at the beach today. Just laying in the sand with my headphones on, staring up at the clouds in the sky and feeling the cold mist from the ocean on my skin.
I also wish seahorses really looked like they do in "The Life Aquatic".

High on Play-Doh fumes.

One of these characters is not like the other ones.
I don't think I'd want my children making friends with Darth Vader*. He kills younglings.
*Did they even make black Play-Doh??

Here's the lyrics to one of my favorite songs.

What Happened to the Water? by Brak
What happened to the water, the water, the water
What happened to the water
The water so wet!

It mixed up with the dirt, the dirt, the dirt
The water got into the dirt and turned into mud
The mud got on my shoe, my shoe, my shoe
The mud got on my shoe, and then I came inside

I messed up the carpet, the carpet, the carpet
My mud got on the carpet, and my Mom got mad
She sent me for some water to clean up the carpet
I turned on the faucet, but nothing came out
What happened to the water, the water the water
What happened to the water
The water went into clean the carpet and wash the dog
And WAAAAAAAASH......the DOG.................
.....................Wash the dog!

Affleck played perverted prank on Smith
azcentral.com June 10, 2005 9:59 AM
We all knew that Ben Affleck and Kevin Smith were close, but a new item in today's PageSix really gets to the heart of the matter.
According to PageSix, the Jersey Girl director told Maxim UK about a perverted prank that Affleck played on him called "fruit basket."
"I'd be sitting in the director's chair and I'd be watching a playback, and he'd stand behind me. Every once in a while I'd feel something on my neck. I'd be like, 'What the [bleep] was that?'" explains Smith. "And I'd turn around and he'd have his [scrotum] out and resting on my neck. I was like, 'What the [bleep] is wrong with you, dude?' What if it got out in the press that that's the kind of thing you do?' He's like, 'No one would ever [bleeping] believe you, sir.' "

.......................So, did he do this to Jennifer Lopez, you think?
I hope so.

This is really old, I made this back in '02. But I think it still applies.

Good evening ladies and gents.
As I sit here in front of computer, I remember a poem that my father used to recite in my younger days. It was from this book he had that was written by John Lennon, and it goes like this:
Good Dog Nigel by John Lennon

Arf, arf, he goes, a merry sight,
Our little hairy friend,
Arf, arf, upon the lampost bright
Arfing round the bend.
Nice dog! Goo boy,
Waggie tail and beg,
Clever Nigel, jump for joy
Because we're putting you to sleep at three of the clock, Nigel.

The thing is, I didn't think John Lennon had a sense of humor. But I guess he did, because I think this poem's pretty funny.
Another thing my dad used to say is, "WHO LOVE DA DOVE? WE ALL LOVE DA DOVE!". Then he'd laugh to himself. I never found out what the hell that means, but we'd all laugh anyhow. Laugh and laugh and laugh.
Then our heads exploded.
Hey, when I do a google search on my dad's name, this comes up. Yay dad, rebuilding engines! WE ALL LOVE DA DOVE!

This is by far the best picture ever taken of Malcolm.

He's enjoying the hell out of Lisa's birthday cake. That is one happy 5 pounds of dog.

Someone finally arrested Russell Crowe! Oh happy day! I'll sleep better knowing that big bloated motherfucker is off the streets! Ha ha!

Happy Birthday Lisa! This one's for you...

"The six-fingered dawn
creeping slowly over the hills and....foothills of one's cerebellum,
bleeds profusely for the LOSS of all that one desires.
These places within, and........without......
Places..................we're afraid to cry about
yet , GLADLY.............................call home.
Like E.T.
Still though, the ship.........COURSES on through the..........bl...BLOODRED three-fingered.......WATERS.
Headed homeward.
.........Like a tired sailor.
Headed Homeward.
Homeward.
Towards LOVE?"
Thanks for being the best sister ever. I love you enough to break my own finger.

I feel like today has flown by, leaving me just really dazed and confused. I didn't sleep well last night, and I feel like a zombie because of it. I thought it was about 1:00 before, only to look at the clock and see that it was a little after 3. Not that I'm complaining! I like it when time flies at work, and then I can go home and.....I guess zone out. Hmmm.
This weekend was fun, I got a tan, drank some rum and cokes, and saw "Star Wars" again. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fanatic all of a sudden or something. Lisa wanted someone to go with since Greg is away, so here I am!
Anway, Friday night Kane and I went to Cracker Barrel for dinner. It was so cheap!! I can't get over how much food both of us got for $18.00. There was a huge line of people waiting when we got there, so we put our names in and just killed time looking at all the random shit they had in their "Country Store". Needless to say, Lisa is getting some wierd shit for her birthday this Friday! Anyway, after the novelty of the crap store wore off, we went outside to wait in these big rocking chairs. Here's Kane playing with some toy from the crap store.

You can see the determination on his face.
Here's me squeezing my ass into a kid-size rocking chair, although this picture came out so weird it's hard to see.

I like it, it's like some strange art photo that I don't understand.
Anyway, we finally were seated and our waitress came up to take our drink orders. She looked at Kane, and gasped.
"Oh my God, did anyone ever tell you that you look like Johnny Depp?".
This happens a lot, and it never bothers me, since it's usually a fleeting comment and I'm not some insecure girl who thinks every chick who talks to him is hitting on my boyfriend. But this girl would not shut up!!! For time's sake, I'll compile all her comments into one paragraph:
"Oh my god, you look so much like Johnny Depp, that's so COOL! It's like, your EYES and your....this!" Waitress makes motion around her mouth, I think she meant Kane's goatee."It's just so cool!! You must hear that all the time! The only person people say I look like is Princess Jasmine from Aladdin. You look SO much like Johnny Depp! Here's your soda, Mr. Depp! Tee Hee!!"

She also had another waitress help her bring our food out (yes, anyone would need help with 2 plates!), and the two girls looked at Kane, then exchanged glances, and whispered to each other as they walked away.
Here's how this crap was making me feel:

Anyway I'm over it now, but how would you feel if someone was just drooling all over your boyfriend/girlfriend, like, "You are so HOT. I can't believe how hot you are!"? Not good. And there you sit, like a hideous troll, with the waitress acting like, "Wow, what's he doing with HER?". She never said this of course, but that's totally the vibe I got from her. Anyway, Kane cheered me up, and I made myself feel better by teasing Kane relentlessly about all of this. Then when we came out of the restaurant there was a huge dust storm going on, so that was cool. Arizona never has any weather, so when we get some wind or some lightning, it makes me so happy.
All in all, it was a good night. I give Cracker Barrel a thumbs up, wait staff, thumbs down.

This morning I got to work to find my office covered in "congratulations" confetti and balloons on my desk.

This is for my five year anniversary at my job. Yup, five years ago today I began designing jewelry. To celebrate, my boss bought lunch for the entire office from NYPD Pizza, and got me a big cake that read "Thanks for 5 Fabulous Years!" although "Fabulous" looked more like "Falafel" somehow. She also gave me a ring, which is one of my all-time favorite pieces we've even made, which they found out thanks to Taryn's slick detective work. Which was basically "So Trish, which ring do you like best?". Very smart, I never figured that one out. (I'm also a little bit retarded....shhh, don't tell anyone!) Anyway, my ring is Purple Tanzanite and diamond, set in 18kt white gold. It's beautiful!

The irony in all of this is that today I handed in my resignation letter.
Maybe my cake should have read:
"Thanks For 5 Fabulous Years!......now be out in 30 days."

OK Lengli, I'll play your game, you rougue.
The total volume of music files on my computer:Somewhere around 800MB. I just got my new computer, so I am slowly loading everything onto it. These things take time.
The last CD I bought was: Nine Inch Nails "With Teeth". I am so, so sad that we didn't get tickets to see them live. I only saw them once, and it was way back in '96 (?) when Trent toured with David Bowie. Sooooo good. They're playing here this Friday and Saturday night. *Shniff*
Song playing right now: "Run Through The Jungle", by Creedance. A total classic.
Five songs I listen to a lot or mean a lot to me, in no particular order:
-"That's Alright Mama", Elvis. I am a big Elvis fan, but I prefer young, idealistic Elvis. This song makes me think of him as an innocent with raw talent, not a big fat piece of strung-out crap.
-"Life on Mars?", David Bowie. This song is just so big and epic, it's great to paint to. But mostly it makes me think of my friend Chris, who gave me a shitty copy of Ziggy Stardust on a tape, and told me how his mother used to play it for him when he was really young, when other kids (me) were listening to the Cabbage Patch Kids record. Also, it makes me think of Bill Murray, and he makes me smile!
-"Angel" by Sarah McLachlan. I know, this one's cheesy. And I haven't listened to it in a while, but if it comes on it gets me all weepy. And here comes my depressing explaination, so I apologize in advance.
Lisa had just gotten the City of Angels soundtrack during the time that my mother had a brain aneurism. We didn't know if she was going to survive, and it was a really scary time. The night that it happened, Lisa stayed at the hospital with my mom, and my dad (my parents are divorced) came to stay with me for the night. I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't stop crying. Both of my grandparents had passed away, and all I wanted was to see them, and know that my mom would be okay. I could hear my dad crying downstairs, and that scared me even more. I put on the CofA soundtrack, and tried to calm down. I just sat in my window seat all night and listened to the whole soundtrack on repeat, and it made me feel a little better, and eventually I fell asleep. I listened to Angel any time I felt really scared, or when my mom was having another brain surgery, and it made me feel safe.
Okay, happier song!!
-"Army", Ben Folds Five. I don't like Ben Folds, I had an ex who listened to them non-stop and it drove me nuts. But this song I have to admit I like, it's just super catchy, and he mentions "Chick Fil-A". Mmmmmm.
-"Bloodletting" by Concrete Blonde. Actually the whole Bloodletting album. It reminds me of a simpler, more gothy time in my life! Ha ha! Trish wore all black!!
Who are you tagging and why?:
Kane-because after 3 years, there's still stuff I don't know about him!
Lisa-because she dodged Lengli's tag. Actually so did Kane...
Robert, Lani, Diana and Matt-because I'm curiouser!
Jenny-because I KNOW "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins has to be in one of your answers, Bitch!

This Saturday I went to a fashion show by Angela Johnson, called "Sideshow Freak in the Padded Room". It was crrrr-azy! (Thanks to Robert for letting me hijack his camera, since I left mine on the kitchen counter, along with a ton of other stuff I wanted to bring.) Here's my friend Dayna, who was basically the centerpiece for the whole show, with her awesome blue ringlets and kick-ass walking. She got to wear the big finale piece, this cool dress that had lights in the bodice and a huge flouncy skirt.

I definitely enjoyed the theme, although I can go the rest of my life without hearing "Coin Operated Boy" by the Dresden Dolls again. The entire 1st half of the show just had that song looped over and over again. Thank god for the room-temperature Chardonnay, or it would have really bothered me. Anyway, here's a better picture of Dayna, looking super hot with a dead bird on her head.

We watched the show from the balcony, which was slightly less crowded and had a much better view of the whole show. Afterwards, I was talking to Dayna's husband Josh, just asking him about how it feels to have all these people drooling over his wife. He told me that he was kind of scared to date her at first, but now that he's over it, it isn't so bad. But he did say that at one show, Dayna was walking, and Josh was sitting in the 2nd or 3rd row. As she walked past him, she gave him a cute little smile and a wink, and Josh said that these two guys in front of him starting freaking out, like, "DUDE!! Did you see that?? She totally winked at us! She wants us, Dude!! Maybe we should try to get her number after the show!!!".
Um, they didn't get her number.
Anyway, yesterday we met up with Josh and Dayna and Robert, Brianna and Jen, and saw Revenge of the Sith. I am not the biggest Star Wars fan, and I can say with all certainty that I strongly disliked Episodes 1 & 2. Strongly. If it wasn't for Yoda, I'd say I hated them. I also have a major problem with Hayden Christensen's voice, and how he talks like Kermit the Frog, and how he looks at Natalie Portman (Pad-a-MAY!) like he's going to rape her.
But I actually really liked Revenge of the Sith! It was good!! Of course it still has it's problems, but overall it was everything the other 2 movies should have been. It was much easier to follow, and there was more action and a lot less endless scenes talking about "The Republic of the Council which the Prophecy foretells of an Alliance of the Council of Republics of the Prophecy....".
I give this movie a B+. It would be an A if the dialog wasn't so bad. Most notably the whole scene where Anakin and Padme debate over who loves who more.
"No, I love YOU."
"No, I love YOU!"
"I love you more!!"
"No I love YOU MORE!!"
"No, you hang up!"
"No you!"
"No YOU hang up..." etc, etc, etc.
Oh, another thing I really enjoyed was this vampire-looking guy and his hacking cough:

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

SAN YSIDRO, Calif. -- This image, released by the U.S. Border Patrol, shows the legs of a 5-year-old girl inside a party pinata that was discovered on Nov. 2, 2004 during a vehicle search at the San Ysidro, Calif., border station crossing along the U.S.-Mexican border.
So that's what the crotch of a Power Puff Girl looks like! It's a good thing no one decided to hang this pinata up and beat it.
Oh those crazy illegal immigrants!! What WILL they try next??!

Last night I saw Unleashed, which was really good. I liked it even more than I thought I would, and I already knew that I'd like it alot. Jet Li proved he can act and kick people in the head, and Morgan Freeman proved once again that he is the coolest man in the world.


Lisa and I still discuss which movie-president should become our actual President. Usually we both side with Independence Day's Bill Pullman.
..."stolen beers taste better...."
Not only has Bill Pullman been in some awesome movies (Spaceballs?) but he kicked some serious alien ass in Independence Day. I doubt George W. would climb into a fighter plane and get up there to shoot down some UFO's. Clinton--maybe, but definitely not Bush. Bill also broke his own finger and robbed a liquor store in Mr. Wrong. But now I think my imaginary President vote will have to go to Morgan Freeman(Deep Impact President), who has always been a close second anyway. It's not that I don't love you in Newsies, Pullman, but Morgan Freeman has won me over with his grace and sincerity. He was also awesome in The Shawshank Redemption. See, here he is, already running for the White House.

Freeman in 2008! What is his stance on health care issues, or gay marriage? WHO CARES! He was in Robin Hood, for god's sake! He's also in the new Batman movie, which is going to be fucking rad.
Movie President-finally an election I give a damn about!

I've been playing around with my blog today, changing all the settings and whatnot. What do you think of the new paperdolls background? I kind of like it, but I'm not sure if I'll keep it. I just got sick of all the friggin' dots everywhere.

When I was little, there wasn't very much that my dad and I did together, or talked about. He had his busy life out in our garage, working on cars and whatnot. I had my Strawberry Shortcake dolls and Barbie Dream House to tend to. But there was one thing we always agreed on, the ultimate food: Cheez Waffies.

If you don't live on the east coast, you've probably never heard of them. They probably sound gross to you, and to be honest, they kind of are. But we ate them like they were going out of style. My mom would come home from the grocery store, with a shiny-new bag of Cheez Waffies, and my dad and I would be devouring the little waffles-n-cheese sandwiches before she even had a chance to put them in the cabinet.
I don't know what it was about them that made them so good, it may be as simple as the word "Waffie". More things should have the word "waffies" in it.
Cheez Waffies were made by the Wise snack food company. They are the same company that make the famous Dipsy Doodles, which I'm sorry if you've never had a chance to eat them, that sucks for you. They are pure magick. Just ask Mike. Anyway, I think a good slogan for Cheez Waffies now, in our health-conscious society, would be "Cheez Waffies-Not WISE for Your Health!". There are several reasons why this would be effective:
1. It would warn the consumer up-front about what they're getting themselves into. Don't sit there trying to calculate all the goddamn trans-fats and calories and carbs and shit. They come in a cellophane bag. The color of the cheese will never be found in nature. They aren't good for you. Don't try to justify it, like, "Oh, if I just eat half of one, then I can stay within my calorie limits for the day...". No. They are not WISE for your health. If you want to eat healthy, stay away. If you are having a rotten day, where you are stressed out and need to pamper yourself with a little delicious junkfood, then Waffies are your guys.
2. All of the rebellious, ironic teenagers would finally have a way to express their angst in snack-food form. Eating Cheez Waffies would be right up there on their coolness scale with smoking cigarettes.
3. If they came up with a new slogan, that would mean they still make Cheez Waffies, and this would make me very happy. I'd have to call my dad, and tell him how much I love him. And the buttons on the phone will be all orange from my Cheez-y fingers.

Thanks to lengli, I had to take these two quizzes:


You are Janet! Smart, cute, but sometimes get
carried away over little things. You totally
stand for what you believe in and enjoy
romanticism. You love flowers and the
outdoors.


Which Three's Company Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're Jerry!


Which Seinfeld character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Alright I can deal with Janet, but JERRY?? No way. I can't stand the guy for one, and secondly, I would never pose like that.
It's almost like Quizzilla doesn't know me at all!

My cats are fascinated yet frightened by the outdoors.

I've been looking for a job for a while now, and have been turning to the internet mostly. So far I've come up with nothing, so yesterday I decided to get the Sunday paper. I figured there HAD to be more jobs listed in there right? Well, after scouring through not only the Art/Design section, but EVERY section, I came up with a grand total of exactly two (2) jobs to apply for! WTF? One of them I'm pretty sure I'm in no way qualified for, but I still faxed over my resume this morning, maybe I could slip through the cracks and get hired anyway, b/c Fender would be a cool place to work. The other one is an assistant to a graphic designer, and I think that one might be cool.
But the job market here in Arizona is so competitive. Most of the graphic design jobs are only part-time or temp work, and I really need to work full time if I ever want to make it out of this shithole city. I guess I can go for 2 different part-time jobs, but even those are very hard to come by, and they only pay between $10-$12 an hour. Woo-hoo! Look out, here comes Miss Moneybags!
So that's my dilemma. I know I shouldn't do this to myself, but every once in a while I check the job listings for my line of work in NJ, and there's usually about 4 or 5 that sound totally perfect for me. And that's just in Jersey, I haven't even glanced at NY yet. *sigh*
Oh well, I'll just keep looking and eventually something will come up, blah blah blah.
In other news, I think that the Runaway Bride needs to get her head checked, and she also needs to have some kind of charges pressed against her. Or maybe she should at least pay for all of the time and effort that the local police and volunteers and friends and family spent looking for her crazy bug-eyed lying ass.

(And by the way, nice neck.)
I also think the whole situation is sort of funny. It just goes to show the lengths some women will go to just to NOT be honest with their boyfriends/husbands. Just tell the guy you don't want to marry him. I bet you this guy was like, "Honey, is everything okay? What's wrong?" all the way up to the day she took off, and her answer the whole time was,"Nothing!". Good work, lady. Faking your own kidnapping was so much smarter, now he gets to be completely humiliated not only in your inner circle, but all over the nation. Very smart.
Well, that is all. Have a good night readers, and if you see me at the grocery store, try not to stand too close to me in line, because I like my personal space, and I don't want to have to give you a dirty look.
Thanks.

Last night I went to the mall and bought myself a new pair of maryjanes. I love them so much, I had to post about them. Some lady stopped me in the parking lot after Lisa dropped me off after lunch, and said she loved them and asked where I got them. I thought that was nice, no one seems to compliment anymore very much anymore, so it was cool of her. YaY new shoes!

While I'm on the subject, here's some more stuff I bought recently, and don't know how I ever lived without.
graphic t-shirt:


another graphic t-shirt:

Today Taryn gave me a catalog called "Toscano", which contains some of the ugliest shit you've ever seen in your life. Here is "The Goddess Laurel" wall sculpture, which has got to be the ugliest piece of wall art this side of my grandma's house. I never knew that trees had crotches, and rather ample bosoms. You can put this in your son's room to scare him into submission, and you can leave it there straight on through puberty so mother nature can be responsible for your son's sexual awakening. Just don't be surprised if you get a call from his school that your kid has been humping trees during recess.

Two words: Timeless, and Classy. I'd be proud to display this fabulous depiction of wet, sweaty man-love in my personal art collection. And it's mine for only $45! Score!

Where was this catalog when I was looking for a life-size casting of Abe Lincoln's face---sans eyes---for Mom's b-day? Do you think it'll make it here in time for Mothers day?

One Halloween when I was about 7 or 8, my mom made me the coolest princess costume. It was a long pink, green and white dress with lots of lace, and a pointy hat with a veil hanging down from the top. I loved it so much. I was the envy of every girl in my class that Halloween, and I swear I got more candy than any other year trick or treating. I felt like a real princess.
Anyway, after Halloween, my mom packed it away in a box in our attic, and I forgot all about it. One summer afternoon a year or two later, I was up in the attic fooling around and going through other people's shit, when I found the dress. Man was I excited! I pulled it out of the box, and threw it on over my fluorescent t-shirt and shorts. It still fit! YES!
I excitedly began dancing around the attic (which was quite a feat since the ceiling was very low and there was shit wall-to-wall). I had to carefully maneuver around boxes and old furniture and assorted other crap. Everything was going great, and I was a princess once more, until I felt a sharp yank on the back of the dress. I froze. What the hell was that?? Did Lisa catch me and was she gonna make fun of me? Was it a ghost? The Devil?
Slowly, I turned around to see that the bottom hem of the back of my beautiful princess gown was caught in the blades of our huge attic fan. This fan was set into the wall of the attic, about 4 feet tall with no protective cover, and helped to circulate air through our very old house in the summertime. And right then it had my gorgeous dress in it's grasp.
I didn't know what to do. I tried to yank the dress out of the blades, but that was a bad idea. Now I had somehow gotten the dress out of the blades and into the center of the fan, and it was now slowly pulling me towards it, and eating the shit out of my dress. I started panicking and pulling harder, but my puny muscles were no match for this giant steel monster. I was being sucked into the fan, and was too scared or stunned to think about calling for help. I think a decent amount of embarrassment might have played into it too. I frantically looked around for some way to turn the fan off, but there was nothing. Luckily because of the fabric stuck in the gears, the fan was moving much slower than usual, or I would've been dead. I kept pulling and yelling and cursing, all the while inching closer to certain death for both me and my dress. Finally with one enourmous YANK! the dress pulled free.
I fell back onto the old wooden floor, exhausted and wide eyed. I got up and pulled the dress off, which was now just a shirt with a bunch of dirty pink, green and white shreds in place of the once-majestic skirt. Quickly I shoved it back into the box, and ran down the attic steps, slamming the door shut behind me.
When we were selling that house about 5 years later, we went through everything, looking for stuff to throw out or put in our yard sale. When my mom pulled that dress out of the box, she was like,"My god, what happened to this???". I tried to sound totally casual, like I didn't almost die in that dress, and said,"I don't know. I haven't touched it since that Halloween.".
The whole point is, as a kid, I was a fucking liar.

Last night I learned how to crochet a purse by following instructions to make an iPod cover, then just making it bigger. So far it looks really good, much better than I expected! Now I just wish I was home, camped out on the couch in my pajamas, working on my purse and listening to some good music. Instead I'm at work, fighting hunger pains since it's only 9:56AM, and that's too goddamn early to eat lunch. But right now I'd kill someone for a big bowl of Olive Garden's salad. If anyone wants to be my new favorite person, you can bring one to my office. Just ring the bell out front. I'll come out and meet you and we can share it. I'll even let you eat the pepperoncini's. Especially since I hate those.

My office is on the second floor of a building, and you have two options to get up here. One is you can take the stairs, and the other is you can take the elevator. This elevator's only purpose is so that the elderly and disabled can get up to see their doctor or dentist, who are also on the second floor. It is also good for the UPS or FedEx guys, if they have large packages to deliver. It is NOT for people who are too fucking lazy to walk up one goddamn flight of steps when they are clearly in good enough health to walk. Or for fat people who don't want to lose any of their precious "fat collection". I see this kind of crap more times a day than I can count, and it just gets under my skin and pisses me off.
What's even dumber, I think, is that it takes 3 times as long to take the elevator than it does just to go up the stairs. You have to push the button, and wait for the thing to come down to get your lazy ass, then get in and wait for the super-slow doors to close, then ride up, then wait for the super-slow doors to open, and by this time I could have walked up and down the steps several times.
Come on people. A little tiny bit of exercise won't kill you. Unless that super-sized Big Mac value meal and X-Large soda is just waaaay too heavy for you to carry upstairs, in which case, take the elevator! My god, how did you even get here from the car?? Did someone push you in a wheelchair? You must be tired. Have some more fries.

I just want to say my boyfriend is hot.

There, I said it.

Saturday night we went to an 80's party, and it was fun to get all decked out in our best bright blue eyeshadow and upturned collars and side-ponytails. I decided to take some "Glamour Shots", but there was something missing when I looked at the pictures this morning. Perhaps a unicorn? Here's Kane and I, posing with our favorite mythical beast. I think I'll print this one out and frame it to hang over the kitchen stove. It's just that classy.

Uh-huh. Jen does her best Madonna impression from the Desperately Seeking Susan-era. I thought putting her picture on a nice brandy snifter would be just the thing to class this picture up. The tiny bottle of brandy is just a bonus.

As I look at this picture, I hear the beat to "She-Bop".

Ahh, Love. 80's style!

If you've been reading Lisa's blog, you've heard the endless speculation about the Pope.
But here's a little Pope trivia for y'all:
He co-wrote the lyrics for Elton John's 1970's hit "Crocodile Rock". Check it out:

I remember when rock was young
Me and Suzie had so much fun
holding hands and skimming stones
Had an old gold Chevy and a place of my own
But the biggest kick I ever got
was doing a thing called the Crocodile Rock
While the other kids were Rocking Round the Clock
we were hopping and bopping to the Crocodile Rock
Well!
Crocodile Rocking is something shocking
when your feet just can't keep still
I never knew me a better time and I guess I never will
Oh Lawdy mama those Friday nights
when Suzie wore her dresses tight
and the Crocodile Rocking was out of sight
But the years went by and the rock just died
Suzie went and left us for some foreign guy
Long nights crying by the record machine
dreaming of my Chevy and my old blue jeans
But they'll never kill the thrills we've got
burning up to the Crocodile Rock

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WAH-WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAH!
WAH-WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAH
WAH-WAH-WAH-WAH-WAHHHHH!
In Jesus's Name, Amen.